Thanks 25, I will continue to try to focus on attitude and living each day in the moment. And living for myself, opening that space for the new to come as we release the old. Glad going to L before seeing h. Interesting this is I did send the simple tax email a la Talia's suggsetion awhile back, and he responded a day later that he would get to me asap and btw, could I meet him for lunch on Saturday? We have been friendly back and forth and he's been very responsive via email - that is a small step in us having slight friendship/civil relationship. You don't know unless you try. I'm try to see him with compassion and distance and leave the heavy stuff out. DB coach awhile back (I had 3 sessions) say you need to start to rebuild a friendship to pave the way for possibility of anything. I am not doing this intention of getting H back or letting him guide how I act, I'd doing this b/c it's a way to leave the past behind and release the anger for myself (and as you once said, keep the road home paved smooth). But know that I am not going in with those expectations..but the small friendship and the kindness is a nice dynamic that we have now.
Will check back in after L consult. Feeling a little shaky after a tough interaction w my mom last night..I am nervous about living so close to her. We are very close but also she can be very controlling and we can have rocky relationship from time to time. She lectured me last night about how I need we need to go to therapy together when I get home so we can have a better relationship. Maybe so. But I need/want to put my energies right now into healing from all this H stuff/practicality of L/and moving efforts. SHe keeps telling me what I need to do/change without looking at what she brings to the relationship. Some of the same DB stuff. You can only control you; wish she would apply that to herself (she can very very critical and judgmental) as opposed to keep telling me what to do. Moms...I guess another issue entirely.
