Back here, for the second time... #69

[saffie]

Maria,

I think your H is lost and I think you feel you don't have enough in you to do this for both of you......and that is right. To heal the R, IMO, both parties have to be strongly committed. I am not saying your H can't get to that point, but he needs a lot of help and counselling. Can you wait that long?

You can't replicate what you had before things went wrong in the M, and before the A. It has to be a new R, one where you have both learned from what happened. You have to come to it as equals and adults.

How it appears to me is that YOU have done a lot of soul searching and 'sorted' your head out, but your H is in the mixed up stage and he is hoping you can rescue him. You can't, as you well know. You are not his mother, you are his W.

So if you want to give your M a chance still, I would tell him that you want to keep trying, you want to see if with C'ing he can start to feel that you can be together , but if he doesn't want to make that effort then it probably will end in D.

I think he is subconsciously playing on your emotions in that letter and looking for you to reassure him. He is scared but also sort of threatening you with the things he said at the same time.

This is very hard but you need to lay the foundations well in order to build a strong, new M. You know that I still have ups and downs and my H has always been so good since his A - if my H was leaving me with big question marks still, I know piecing would be damn near impossible for me.

I obviously don't know you like Ali does; she has met you etc., so her take in things is maybe more accurate, but that letter did not make me think aaaaaah - he's opening up - nice warm fuzzy feelings- it made me think that he was confused and wallowing in self pity and depression. That's a hard place to be and as Ali knows, it takes a strong person to deal with that. It is redeemable though sometimes.

((((((HUGS)))))))