The answer to that last question won't really matter to you, because you've already had the affair.
Had "the" affair? It's not black and white. And that's not rationalization or justification, because I have no guilt about it and wouldn't have done it differently as I see it at this point. I don't see how I could have survived without some outside support.
Again, I say it's not black and white because I have not had the kind of affair where it was sexual and I was emotionally involved to the point of distraction about the other woman. You can argue with me on the definition and that I'm fooling myself, etc., but that doesn't interest me and isn't material to me. The point is that I have been available to my wife in the sense that if she wanted to turn it around, I was there the whole time and ready to do so. That's not to say I did the very best job -- clearly I was not a saint.
