I have a new Jedi Mind Trick strategy and it seems to be working (tonight). I mentally shift my attitude to "as if we're in a long distance relationship" - even when he is here, I imagine we live farrrrr apart and only get together once in a while.
Imagining physical space is helping me have emotional space. It's helping me to detach. I'm more focussed on what I'm doing and not H - both when he's gone and when he's here. When he's gone I just imagine we're a couple but a "long distance" one. When we are together, it helps me feel stronger in my independence and like if H gets nasty I know he'll be long gone soon so I don't get as ruffled.
It helps that tonight H is sweet as pie. He's relaxed and he enjoyed and complimented my cooking again. He shared his birthday beer with me.
Tomorrow is his birthday. I got a generic card and S and I are going to bake a cake. Not sure if I should give him something. He gave me gifts on my birthday a couple weeks ago so I feel I should reciprocate, but I'm feeling so up and down, part of me wants to protect myself emotionally. Thoughts?
Also, he was open tonight about his upcoming weekend trip. He said he's going skiing. If there were some gal going with him, I doubt he'd have the gall to be so open about it. I much more worry when he is secretive. So that's good news...although I secretly wish he were inviting S and I.
But hey, when you're in a "long distance relationship" you can't go everywhere together because you live too far apart! See? That mindset took away the sting. It allowed me to be detached and just say, "Hope you have fun" and truly mean it without insecurity about "why didn't he invite me?"
