I haven't been on the boards as much lately. Work has been very busy, kids' schedules are busy... and somewhere in there I am piecing a M back together...
Finding I am pretty tired, and IC is pretty certain I am experiencing low grade depression. I have never experienced this in my life before. When she first suggested it, I resisted the idea; I have always been the optimistic type. Plus, my H has re-committed, we are working on the M. This is what I wanted. Right? so, why would I be depressed? It didn't make sense to me.
But, IC pointed out to me that now that I am emotionally safer in the R, I am exhausted, and I have to face all the pain, all the fear, all the hurt, all the betrayal, all the anger. It is so much.
Things that used to bring me joy and I would get excited about... it's not there. Motivation... not there. Energy... not there. Sleep... still a struggle. EAting... better. At least I haven't lost my sex drive, but then that's never been a problem for me
So, I need to just accept that this is where I am at, that it is ok, nothing to feel guilty about. It's normal and common. I just don't want to develop my own MLC, or WAW symptoms. I can't imagine that... but, I want to keep an eye on myself.
On the M front, things continuing to improve. We have had some roller coaster moments. We are both trying to be more honest and real with our feelings, which is not easy. I am trying not to rescue or fix, which is not easy. H is trying not to withdraw and shut down, which is not easy. But, we have also had some great moments, great discussions. Kids are also clearly doing better, more settled, etc. since we are doing better.
