Maybe I should, Rocked . Although I happen to think that you and I are among a relatively small group here that is likely to experience such similar challenges in the future.
I can easily and fully believe how it can degenerate into depression / MLC / unbridled resentment over time. My own view is that the more is suppressed during the LBS stage to win the WAS back (and detaching from the outcome), the more damage control is needed later.
This is a path the LBS has to walk alone. The WAS, repentant or not, can only help that much. I cannot say I am proud of all I've done walking that path so far. I've gotten some great help from a lead couple from my Retro group too.
Btw, great poem on your thread. I wrote a pretty dark one in the bad old days . Was sitting there trying to make sense of the limbo not long after discovery of the A, reminded of the begging / pleading I had done before knowing of OM, and the flowers I had bought not knowing why she was such an angry person ... pathetic!
But it seems appropriate now. Really, that's what it boils down to eh? Embracing the pain, letting it be part of the journey forward. So that it is not a hidden burden. Perhaps something compact, a memento to accompany you as a reminder that you can overcome and be proud of the scars.
I'll forward the poem to you in you're interested.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
. Although I happen to think that you and I are among a relatively small group here that is likely to experience such similar challenges in the future.