My Deep, comfy couch

[Deep]

Hey rocked. Yes, I'm there . With some pics of the kids even.

I posted in a few threads yesterday. Some of it hinted at the elements of emotional changes in LBS as the sitch improves. Also, the whole LBS fog and the sheer entitlement that LBS gets.

It's also an early warning system for one's very own propensity of developing MLC or WAS like symptoms .

[rockedworld]

Maybe you should start a thread about that? I am very interested to discuss this more. My IC says she sees early signs of depression settling in for me and that I should keep a watch on that... and, I think she is right but don't want that to happen.

[Deep]

Maybe I should, Rocked . Although I happen to think that you and I are among a relatively small group here that is likely to experience such similar challenges in the future.

I can easily and fully believe how it can degenerate into depression / MLC / unbridled resentment over time. My own view is that the more is suppressed during the LBS stage to win the WAS back (and detaching from the outcome), the more damage control is needed later.

This is a path the LBS has to walk alone. The WAS, repentant or not, can only help that much. I cannot say I am proud of all I've done walking that path so far. I've gotten some great help from a lead couple from my Retro group too.

Btw, great poem on your thread. I wrote a pretty dark one in the bad old days . Was sitting there trying to make sense of the limbo not long after discovery of the A, reminded of the begging / pleading I had done before knowing of OM, and the flowers I had bought not knowing why she was such an angry person ... pathetic!

But it seems appropriate now. Really, that's what it boils down to eh? Embracing the pain, letting it be part of the journey forward. So that it is not a hidden burden. Perhaps something compact, a memento to accompany you as a reminder that you can overcome and be proud of the scars.

I'll forward the poem to you in you're interested.

[rockedworld]

Yes, I would be interested. I also wrote a dark one in the summer when the A was in full swing.

Just came back from IC session. We discussed being able to just accept and even embrace the pain. It is what it is. I have been "fighting" it to a certain extent, b/c H is truly repentant and doing/saying the right things. But, my pain is real and valid. Some of the depression/sense of hopelessness comes from facing the reality of the fact that our M clearly was not what I thought it was. So, sorting out what that means, redefining everything etc.

You are probably right that there would only be a few of us interested in this, but it is very helpful for me right now. So, thanks for sharing where you are at, what you are learning.

[Deep]

Finally managed to get into the alt. Try not to shudder

[dday101798]

Really, that's what it boils down to eh? Embracing the pain, letting it be part of the journey forward. So that it is not a hidden burden. Perhaps something compact, a memento to accompany you as a reminder that you can overcome

NO! I can not stress enough that so long as you bear that pain and conitnue to look back on what happened, your efforts, and all, I'm sorry no other way to put this, but in my experience your piecing efforts are a lie. Why? You haven't forgiven! And who exactly benefits from that forgiveness? YOU! It ends the pain.

be proud of the scars.

You can't until you do as said above. And here's something I heard and remind myself everytime I'm faced with a challenge along with the Serenity prayer: Our scars remind us of where we've been, but do not dictate where we are going.

[Deep]

Actually, I agree with you Dday - I was essentially saying the same thing. My meaning is that you do not bury nor repress nor deny what happened. Embrace it and move forward. You do not look back on it in the sense of letting it hold you down like a millstone or burden.

Perhaps I was reaching too hard to try and extend Rocked's travel / climb analogy .

From what I've been through, I also believe you can't be afraid to look at the scars either. You do not, however, obssess over it or let it eat at you.

[dday101798]

Ok, cool. Sounded like you were stuck or dwelling or something with the 'pain' and 'depression' talk.

And yes to incororate my closing statemnt prior, you shouldn't be afraid to look at your scars, they remind you of where you've been, but you can't obsess over them, because they don't dictate where you are going.