I've taken the time to get caught up on your sitch and there are aspects of it that parallel mine. You are my age and your W is the same age as my W. My W served me with D papers 10/16/09 and I later discovered she was having an affair EA/PA. It has morphed since. Anyway, do follow the advice of those who are in the know Sandi etc.
I know the hopeless feelings that kind wash over you even when you maybe in a good place mental the sumami will hit. Remember you will get incrementally better over time and it may be imperceptable but it is happening. I can't tell you where things will end up for you and your marriage but keep you chin up and continue to move forward with your life.
Happy Birthday Tom. Hang tough, things will improve for you.
M48/W47 M15/T22 S3 D3 In House Separation 10/06/09 W files for D 10/16/09 OM1 discovered 10/28/09 (PA) OM2 in mix early Jan. W moved out 1/26/10 In Mediation (Settlement in prep)
