Jack. I swear. Some day I'm gonna show up on your doorstep in Alassakah.
what a freakin weird thing this place is... you might be the best friend I've got now.
xbox 360 it is. can I play grand theft auto on that? call of duty? both of those look pretty badass.
Trapt (and mach and cat and bworl..and sorry if i'm forgetting someone). you are right there for me too. Thought stopping... i've tried that but I suck at it. working on it though.
I have a fairly active mind. its tough to shut it off. stop signs are easily avoided-- my mind plays mailbox baseball with the stop signs.
so she just called. wants to skype w the boys and watch lost tonight later
Ok fine.
but just so ya'll know I'm not a total invalid here's what I did today:
finished my application for housestaff and privileges at new hospital, sent it off from post office. got a haircut hit some golf balls and chipped...twice. ran 4 miles (ok walked some) walked my dog.
still that was not really enough to fill the day. but getting there.
and as for reverting to old ways if she came back to me tomorrow... that's a thought provoking comment dude. the superego in me says, "you are wrong!" (maybe its the superego... I don't know)... but you may be right about that. I don't know man. If I had a chance with her again I'm not sure I'd screw that up. but I'm not gonna argue with you... I trust you are probably right.
xbox 360 it is. can I play grand theft auto on that? call of duty? both of those look pretty badass.
Yes Sir!! There are even more badass ones than that.
Quote:
so she just called. wants to skype w the boys and watch lost tonight later
Stay loose, have fun!
Quote:
but just so ya'll know I'm not a total invalid here's what I did today:
finished my application for housestaff and privileges at new hospital, sent it off from post office. got a haircut hit some golf balls and chipped...twice. ran 4 miles (ok walked some) walked my dog.
still that was not really enough to fill the day. but getting there.
but this morning she said she felt all the pain from the past and was expecting me to be the "rollercoaster" again...
Big opportunity to validate here. You could say,
" I understand how you can feel that way, thank you for sharing that with me."
It takes her stick away so to speak, also if she is justifying what "you think" she is about to do, when you validate you take away some of that justification. What is more important to remember is that you don't know what she is doing, so stop expending mental energy on it. Hard to do I know, it comes with detatchment, detatchment comes with time, be PATIENT, it will get better.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Thank you for telling me where you are. I actually had a sense that you would feel this way today. I do so much appreciate you telling me. And I know even telling me these things probably is hard for you to do.
I completely understand how hard it is for you to let go of that pain, and to have a hard time believing that the person who was largely responsible for it has changed to the extent that things would be any different in the future.
You fretting about the rollercoaster coming back is probably a much more realistic expectation to have rather than another day of calmness and consistency from me... because that has been the pattern. I've never given you anything different before...thus a new pattern will have to emerge in order for you to really believe it. I can tell you that I am doing everything in my power to give you that. It really isn't that hard, actually. I just have to be myself if you can believe that.
I do not expect you to forget. You are doing all I have ever asked of you and that is to try and see if you can allow your heart to heal and forgive me... and to try to believe that I can be different. There's gonna be days where you do not want to do that. I understand that too.
Know that I am in a peaceful place and I am your friend... no rollercoasters are coming.
and here is one other thing. I am working on that for ME too. I do not like feeling that way either...
They look badass because they are on the XBOX 360.
So is Left 4 Dead 2...
which is the badassest of them all.
And Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2, which has a better story than Star Wars and the Matrix. And Better gameplay than Grand Teft Auto. But you have to play Mass Effect 1 first, so you get invested with the charcter.
I will promote the Xbox...not just because it would be cool to hang out with you and others playing online, but becasue right now...your super surgeon brain...needs to be distracted. And this will occupy your free time. Just do not stop running. I play and do between 3-4 miles on my tread climber.
As for your best friend?
Alot of guys here are saying the same thing Bradley. I am honored, but we are all saying the same things.
About change.
I feel myself sliding back into old habits at times. And you know what? I changed like a muther fer. When I do realize I have started to slip, I have the time here to remind me not to.
The enemy of a relationship is complacentcy.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Yeah, a bit much, but that is coming from someone who talks too much. So I should know, remember, less is more. Your words should be half the words she uses, hard to do when you think you have an opening and you are trying to "sell" her on you. I am guilty of the same.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Who is fighting to be calm when it is the last thing you have the strength for? Who is exposing themselves to probability of some hurt, in order to learn and grow? You are taking several shots for the team.
It is your team. You know you're doing things at this moment in time to save your M. It is worth it. Understand in doing so, you learn to be a new, better you. Unintended consequences? You benefit, and grow, despite any outcome.
You're better for the work you're doing today. Your kids will have a better father for the hard work you're doing today. She lets you do the hard work while she observes, reviews, and evaluates ... on her own system of scoring. Focus on who you are, not how she scores.
She gives you credit, and takes some back, leaving herself room for doubt. You saw that her doubt comforts her and reduces her guilt. Guilt is her enemy, and doubt her friend.
Look at the huge baby step last night. You were her friend, and she yours. Last night you shared the cards. She may not have changed her mind, but she felt something and went so far as to say so. Why?
She's uncertain of many things and has some momentum in another direction. She may fear missing the chance to find out where it might lead. That mystery is addicting. She hasn't felt such an addiction in a long time and fears old routines she says didn't meet her needs. So she woke up today and pushed you back a safe distance while she leaves today open for whatever might be. She didn'nt forget last night. It's in play within her. She can doubt it, but not forget it. It makes decisions more difficult and uncertain. Expect her to take that out on you unfairly. This roller coaster isn't fair to either of you. Be on your game. Be the new better you.
Your words should be half the words she uses, hard to do when you think you have an opening and you are trying to "sell" her on you. I am guilty of the same.
this is a good one. I really feel like when I use less it is more. will try and live by this one.
you were really on point there. there is some really really great stuff there. I love the doubt is her friend and guilt her enemy... did you just make that up? you should patent that.
and yea. she makes it sound as if she is the only one on the rollercoaster...
