Who is fighting to be calm when it is the last thing you have the strength for? Who is exposing themselves to probability of some hurt, in order to learn and grow? You are taking several shots for the team.
It is your team. You know you're doing things at this moment in time to save your M. It is worth it. Understand in doing so, you learn to be a new, better you. Unintended consequences? You benefit, and grow, despite any outcome.
You're better for the work you're doing today. Your kids will have a better father for the hard work you're doing today. She lets you do the hard work while she observes, reviews, and evaluates ... on her own system of scoring. Focus on who you are, not how she scores.
She gives you credit, and takes some back, leaving herself room for doubt. You saw that her doubt comforts her and reduces her guilt. Guilt is her enemy, and doubt her friend.
Look at the huge baby step last night. You were her friend, and she yours. Last night you shared the cards. She may not have changed her mind, but she felt something and went so far as to say so. Why?
She's uncertain of many things and has some momentum in another direction. She may fear missing the chance to find out where it might lead. That mystery is addicting. She hasn't felt such an addiction in a long time and fears old routines she says didn't meet her needs. So she woke up today and pushed you back a safe distance while she leaves today open for whatever might be. She didn'nt forget last night. It's in play within her. She can doubt it, but not forget it. It makes decisions more difficult and uncertain. Expect her to take that out on you unfairly. This roller coaster isn't fair to either of you. Be on your game. Be the new better you.
