Next steps

[pearlharbr]

Sucks about the house news. If it looks like H will have more claim to the house then discuss options with your L. I would think that you could ask for significantly more than the paltry $5K "extra" he has offered to keep things out of court. If he wants you to go easily then he should be willing to pay for it.

I understand about pouring your heart into a renovation. All the more reason I think you should let the house go and relocate. If you end up with the house you will constantly be reminded of X. And I don't think you should run away from your town because X and OW "won," I just think this is a great opportunity for you to start over fresh and sometimes a new place is good.

If what you really want is to be in another relationship, then you have to consider going to where the men are. That has nothing to do with tucking your tail between your legs and slinking away. That's about knowing what you want and taking steps to achieve it. [P.S. I still vote for Vancouver because it's such a fabulous city and then I'll know someone there to crash on the sofa! ]

Trust me, I was in the dumps plenty in the beginning. Thought I was too old to start over, no men would want me, I would end up being the crazy cat lady and dying alone. But I had friends who said that was just crazy talk. And I started going out and was getting chatted up by men wherever I went. So I realized that, if I wanted another R, I could have it.

You asked about when the switch flipped. Just to be clear, when I talk about that I mean the moment I decided that I was simply finished with BF and would be moving on without him. I was no longer interested in saving the R because I was disgusted and tired of all the crap. It was on 1/23/09. Not sure if I posted that night but here's the recap:

I saw an email from OW to BF in which she talked about my cat W. I was enraged. How dare she talk about my baby; he is MY cat, MY family. If I recall correctly, I thought if she wanted to take my BF, fine, have the cheating bastard, but there was no way in HELL I would stand having her around my cat. I know, it's kind of crazy, but that's what went through my mind. So I called my BFF, told her what happened, and while I was on the phone with her I got BF's suitcase out and packed him some clothes. I kicked him out that night and took his house key.

That's why I always say I was terrible at detachment. I never managed "loving detachment" because I just kicked his ass out and moved on.