Thank you for telling me where you are. I actually had a sense that you would feel this way today. I do so much appreciate you telling me. And I know even telling me these things probably is hard for you to do.
I completely understand how hard it is for you to let go of that pain, and to have a hard time believing that the person who was largely responsible for it has changed to the extent that things would be any different in the future.
You fretting about the rollercoaster coming back is probably a much more realistic expectation to have rather than another day of calmness and consistency from me... because that has been the pattern. I've never given you anything different before...thus a new pattern will have to emerge in order for you to really believe it. I can tell you that I am doing everything in my power to give you that. It really isn't that hard, actually. I just have to be myself if you can believe that.
I do not expect you to forget. You are doing all I have ever asked of you and that is to try and see if you can allow your heart to heal and forgive me... and to try to believe that I can be different. There's gonna be days where you do not want to do that. I understand that too.
Know that I am in a peaceful place and I am your friend... no rollercoasters are coming.
and here is one other thing. I am working on that for ME too. I do not like feeling that way either...
