Dear TTA-oops and sorry - i realized i posted to you on someone else's. YOu are right (and I got confused w the timing...I think this was a ? Talia had posed about dating), you are definitely not ready. My H moved out Nov '08 and it was not until Sept '09 that I started dating/flirting. And nothing has been serious to date, truly, and don't think i'd be ready. But I went out w one a few times (god knows H has been hooking up a lot) once and it made me feel attractive again and desired and I just had fun. SO much fun...it was worth it for me but again this was 9 months later.
I like you combing through the Mars and Venus books...so insightful and helpful. As I go out in the world again I realize some men I met that have been D'd have a depth to them and lessons learned and I find that attractive..they can relate and their is a shared pain there. That is something we will be able to bring to the table if we go down that route too. You are still so early in the process and definitely way ahead of where I was then. And I, LIKE YOU, have a very overinvolved mother. I am moving back to CA next month to my hometown after 16 years on the east coast, and am a little nervous about being so close to her.
I think you are doing and trying all the right things. I have learned also what works for some does not work for others. There are things I said to H early on in our S (others might construe as pursuing) that I am glad I did...some of the stuff that I had learned about being a better more giving wife and partner. I did it for me, it felt good and I feel like I left no stone unturned. He responded quite positively at the time. But after he continued WAH mode, I let him go and that's prob the best thing you can do. (But for me it was important to acknowledge my role in things and let him know it soaked in...then you let them on their way).
You're still so early on. Things can easily turn around. You'll go stronger in this process. You'll rely on yourself and your friends and hobbies for happiness, not H. And you may get to a place/time - only you can determine that - when you don't want to keep out hope/hold on any longer... but in the meantime operate under the assumption that it's just you taking care of yourself, even when it hurts, and learn to really love yourself. I have a wonderful GF who went through a horrible breakup years ago - she was almost suicidal - and she's down a complete 180 w her life...she said you really need to learn to be your own 'internal mother'. Love and nurture yourself. treat yourself. think of all the good things about yourself. I can tend to be hard on myself and have very high expectations and standards for myself..which can be good but we also need to give ourselves a break. I work from home when I don't travel and LOVE the guilt-less shopping or massages or coffee breaks that I sometimes spontaneously take during the day. Love yourself. We can clearly tell that you are a thoughtful, insightful, caring, FUN person... (I smiled when I read earlier posts about martini and margarita consumption...sometimes I think this process is making me a lush! have fun. know your worth. good things will come to you. we are here for you through these times.
have fun. know your worth. good things will come to you. we are here for you through these times. 
