Just saw your SOS but you already got the best advice from Coach and Pearl. If you are not ready to see him, don't. But as Pearl said, if you want to and you can pull it off and look smashing to boot, go for it.
((((Kara))))) Thank you! I'm not sure if I want to meet - but I will let you know. I just emailed his msg. to my L, my co-worker pointed out it may not be wise for him to do the taxes I'll see what she says.
Thanks for replying so fast and all your support. Hope you are doing great as you have been.
Yeah, I was going to bring that up but not sure how antagonistic you want to be or perceived to be. I think the best option would be to go to a third party preparer and have an agreement about what to do with the return or payment due.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Just posted a long reply to you then lost it!!!! Your co worker is right, run it by your L. And if you don't want to meet, don't. If he really wants to he'll reschedule at your convenience.
I'm doing ok. Thanks for asking. Giving thanks that I am blessed. My bomb-a-versary was at the weekend. A year later and I am still standing!!!
Pearl and Kara, Thank you! Yes, I'll see what L says. Ugghhh. So sad when you can't trust someone you used trust with your whole life. I really value your input Pearl, it's always consistent & straight shooting. Thank you for the advice.
Kara, sorry you lost the post! Thank you for your kindness. You are doing better than standing after one year. You are rocking the DB! My 1 yr bomb - a- versary is coming up in March. You're my role model!! Thank you both & I'll let you know what happens.
Business like on the taxes: here is Y, please send me X. I'm doing the same with my X right now. Driving him crazy because he doesn't have access to the quicken files, and I am doing my best to pull them together as well as he would have.
For the "let's talk" I would stick with: "all S agreements can be handled by the L. "
I think I would skip the "as long as you are in an affair.." part. Sounds to me like bitter, angry.
Maybe: is there something urgent you would like to discuss that cannot be handled by the Ls?
It is an excellent opp to show how much you have grown and can handle it. If you fall to pieces afterwards--well, that's afterwards! And what anti-a meds or a good stiff drink is for!
You will handle it however you choose to do it. But do set your terms of time, place, and get a sense of his agenda so you aren't left to punt in reaction to some wacky thing he brings up.
You have all my sympathy on this--I am avoiding all tax, house, bill convo with X as much as possible! And certainly don't want to see him! But if I have to--calm, cool, collected is the way to go.
You rock on!
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
Hey LFA, I am with Pearl and Coach. The key is knowing yourself well enough to know what you can handle emotionally and what you can't right now. If you know that meeting will be too hard on you emotionally, then stay dark, communicate only as needed. I haven't been able to catch up on your whole sitch but it sounds like you have made the most personal progress for yourself when you are dark.
Aver, RW & Kara, Thanks for stopping by! I had an event out of office today, grueling but happy it's over. Thank you all for your support!
Here's what I sent H, probably nicer than I should be. I started doing the "hi" & "thanks" in emails a long time ago on advice from my DB coach, & sure enough he does it too:
Me: "Hi, This message went into my spam again. I just got it. I discovered that spam messages don't show up in my blackberry. Anyway, sorry, just seeing this now. I will check when I get home to see if they sent student loan form yet.
Also, fyi I paid my student loan yesterday out of the checking. Have you closed the USAA joint credit card yet? I did use it for my crown payment but will transfer $ to cover that once I get paid. But I won't use it again. Thanks."
H: "Ok... I was afraid of that. I also sent you a text telling you that I had emailed you. Did you get that?"
Which I did. But I got a new blackberry in Dec. & damn if dont' know all the settings. I don't get a notice when I get a text like my cell phone, so I didnt see his txt til I checked.
Also, I need a good smacking b/c I still need to separate my pay so only 1/2 goes into joint checking. That will be in next email if H replies!
My L emailed me that she's out of the country til Monday. I just want to put H off on taxes til I can talk to her. Anybody think I should say, let's hold off til I can ask my L about you doing taxes? Or, I was thinking of saying, I want to see the return before you file it.
If he presses about meeting, I AM busy this weekend but am considering using Pearl's reply. It would be a 180 & I think it would shock him. Maybe. I guess I really don't know. But it would sure feel great! I am tired of being civil & not ever expressing the unmentioned reality. Not that the reply is uncivil. It's just more direct than I've been, maybe it's time for direct! We have such little communication when we do email it's never about R. We'll see.
Thank you friends for your support, all input is appreciated! I'll try to look in on you all, tomorrow if not tonight. Hope things are going well for each one of you (((((hugs))))).
I'll see what she says. 
