Tough day for me. Not much going on at work. Alone in weird town... she is up there, with the boys, lots of friends... probably hanging at OM's house with our boys hanging with his boys. could be that OM's wife is there.. .but this morning she said she felt all the pain from the past and was expecting me to be the "rollercoaster" again... one interpretation is she was feeling the pre-guilt of going over there, knowing that it would bother me, and knowing that she would not want to tell me she was there.
Yesterday was so great. I tried not to allow it to affect me but now I have gone the last 6 hours of today with no contact from her... and I have not tried to contact her. she holds all the cards. she is, I know, anxious about me today.
tough tough day... tough when she blows me kisses, says she is starting to feel things... then backs way up.
perhaps my attentive response to her is too attentive. I respond to her thoughtful emails with thoughtful emails in kind. perhaps I need to just validate and get out.
again... last night felt like we were moving somewhere. today feels like the old way... having a hard time focusing on other things.
snow storm hitting on friday. want to go up there tomorrow so I can be there for the weekend... taking a flight out of there to visit a friend... if I don't leave tomorrow I probably wouldn't be able to get there till saturday or sunday... but I know she doesn't really want me coming up there. tough since she has the kids.
