how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

hhh, to answer your post (from OTM's thread), i know i'm not ready to date. AT ALL. my H just moved out this past saturday and when he moved, left me a note saying he was not unsure if separation was the answer for us, but that he felt it was his only option given our "history" and circumstances (he was starting a new job and hadn't slept a full night in weeks, we live in a TINY apartment where he couldn't be fully "separated" from me because we only have one bedroom and he wasn't getting any sleep on his buddy's couch, and he also has ADHD and focusing for him in a time when he's so stressed out and tired is really challenging). his note said that he was sure we'd talk over the coming weeks and "figure things out" and he has still not asked me to sign any legal documents.

i'm focusing on doing things that i love, tuning out the noise coming from my mother, spending more time with friends, and finally getting to eat all the couscous i want (my H hates it, therefore, i never cooked it at home)!! i would certainly be open to meeting up if you're in the DC area, because my in person support group was a depressing, overwhelming DISASTER.

the thing is, i don't feel abandoned and i don't feel that my H isn't a good man and we have no animosity towards one another. the way he put it, he felt like a failure because he was unable to make me happy. since this has all come up (it's been about a month since he decided he wanted to separate), i've done a lot of reading and researching (i feel like i finished a semester's worth of psychology classes!), come to terms with some unpleasant realities about myself and my behavior, and have committed to making changes, with or without my H in my life. where that will ultimately take me and my M, i don't know...but my hope is that it will one day in the near future take me to retro. who knows? i'm just taking it one day at a time.