You could learn a lot about getting along together by attending a Retrouvaille weekend. They are listed on the website, www.helpourmarriage.org. You wouldn't believe how much can change when people who have reconciled themselves teach the two of you how to do it. It completely changed my marriage from an unhappy marriage where I thought I married the wrong person, to a very happy one, where we are good friends and lovers again.
i would be SO interested in doing this with my H. but i think both partners have to be fully committed to working things out, and we're not there yet. and we may never be. but. it's good to know that it's worked so well for other people!
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
I would say that when couples go to Retrouvaille, there is usually one spouse much more willing to reconcile than the other. Sometimes the non-willing spouse comes around, and sometimes they don't. But I would not characterize the couples going in as both being fully committed to working things out. The room would be empty if that were a requirement.
did you and your spouse both want to attend? i'm not at a point where i could even suggest that to my H, but OTM, if your W is thinking about "patching things up," this may be a good way to get her to see that what you actually need is to rebuild your M, and not just sweep the problems under the rug.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
good for you!! i really wish my H would consider it, but until he starts even talking about us reconciling, i know it would be pointless to bring it up. it's great that you and your W both can agree to go.
a month does seem like a long time but hopefully over that month you can both work on committing to your M and go into the weekend with open minds and hearts!
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
Dear TTA, I have been following your post and also tried to get my H to go to Retro, to no avail. I also wanted to let you know that I work in DC and am down there often, so happy to meet up with you whenever! Lots of similarites in these sitches and we can help each other through this process...the good thing about this is that I have met SO many people going through D and it's been a wonderful support group. I also did try a divorce support group throught the catholic church..onyl went once but it was amazingly helpful in giving me perspective. But clearly not all are great - stay away from yours if it was a downer! But there are other resources out there..and I must say, to have a Catholic priest look me in the face and tell me "you are a wonderful woman...this man is not treating you as a man should treat his wife..this is abandonment and you deserve so much better" and others chimed in on Retro and what you can do, but also what to do to preserve your self-respect it was inspiring.
Exercize helps/yoga - huge for me to! And dating frankly really helped me as well..it helped me get my MOJO back! I mentioned earlier that going out 'w a frog' did make me sad and miss H more, I would rather do that than sit home on my coach and sulk. It made me realize there are other great guys out there..you just need to be cautious b/c you are still in healing mode, but a little PMA (positive male attn) never hurts!!
You sound like you are doing the right things and I hear you on the mom stuff...that is a challenge for me as well.
