It is much easier for your W to "latch on" to the new dynamic you created at work (talking about personal issues at work) because work is a structured atmosphere. She is expected to behave a certain way and there are very clear ramifications if she does not. She has a reputation to uphold. All of those things most probably make it easier for her to act different towards you.
At home though she has no such ramifications for bad behavior. She knows when she pouts enough she will get her way and once she does get her way she has you right where she wants you. Do you think that would fly at work with another co-worker? No, it would not.
You changed the dynamic at work out of jealousy towards OM which is a form of fear IMO. Because of the "controlled atmosphere" of work your W has grown comfortable with the R you share at work. At home she has NOBODY to be accountable to and she has no reputation to uphold so she does what she wants. At home you seem to feel the situation is more controlled even though it is not.
You changed the dynamic at work yet you are very resistant to changing it at home IMO.
