Back here, for the second time... #69

[AliSuddenly]

Hey M, so I just showed bf the letter and asked him,as a reformed WAS, what he thought, this is what he said...

"WOW, wow. God, thats from the soul. He's really baring his soul here. And its desperate, he sounds, just, desperate. I mean he just.. hates himself. He really hates himself (gets tears in his eyes).. I know myself how that feels and you just get into this negative mindset and beat yourself up and the more you feel you are useless and no good to those who love you, the more worthless and useless you feel. And you get trapped by your thinking and its just a viscious circle, a viscious circle.. and yes he says here *reads out*...

I feel helpless. Like a paraplegic....I am useless. An [censored].. I realise that now. But since I dont know how or I cant offer you what you need...But then what? The end? How? And on and on and on in my head. The same vicious circle. With no end and no beginning. 24 hours a day. With no solution.

..with no end and no begiinning, on and on in my head...

Wow. The trouble is, he has put her through so much, he knows he cant expect her to help him out and he isnt even asking her to is he. God, it reminds me of BMF (the one who cant express himself, that also has depression and nearly left his W and D recently..) theres just this wall, this brick wall, they just cant open up and say whats inside. He needs help. He desperately needs help, its not about M..

Me - Yes, he went for MC and spoke to the C and just ended up crying

Well thats a start then, its a start right, thats a good sign that he could do that and crack but its not a quick fix and its going to take time. I know that when I was where he was, you have to get help, but the initiative has to come from him.

Gosh, its sad, I have completely changed my mind about him now, I know I've been saying the past few weeks, he is an idiot, but I dont think that now. I think he needs help, badly and that he has bared his soul here and clearly loves her. Its a start at least."

...So there you go chiquittita!
Love Al xx