It is not about agreeing to their feelings it is about accepting what they are saying.
All you should have said to your W in response to her "this is all your fault" bit is: "I can see how you would feel that way"
That way, there is NOTHING she can say back as you have validated her feelings and not rammed YOUR agenda down her throat. Do this a few times on a consistent and true basis and there is a slim chance the way in which your W communicates with you might start to shift in a positive way.
