Dudes, let me be clear. I am so down with Miss Someone I ought to be on the Walkaway support board. Dig it - I just hope you understand, sometimes the clothes do not make the man.
Then why do you continue to write so much about the soon-to-be-former-mrs?
Originally Posted By: robx
But above all, even if you don't do any of this, enjoy your life SP, you aren't dealing with drama anymore, if she wants to go batshitcrazy, let her, just turn around and leave, tell her you can't be bothered to waste your time listening to her when she's like this. If she wants to be nice to you, great but if not, no worries, your life is awesome regardless what she does. Never forget that.
ODog agrees.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
@robx: When you got up and left when she mentioned taking off for a week to hook up with the OM, your response seemed a bit emotional even if it wasn't verbally communicated that way.
But isn't that precisely what I have been advised to do?
@PuppyDogTails: I think they're saying...to just be careful about what's lying underneath
*Ding-ding-ding!* Light bulb! Got it. Yes, yes, absolutely right.
@Orangedog: Then why do you continue to write so much about the soon-to-be-former-mrs?
The divorce isn't finished, right? I mean, there's still process here. Perhaps someone or another will take a lesson -- good or bad -- from the journey. To my knowledge this isn't the "cheerlead about the hot chick you're banging" board. Yet.
In any event it was my intention to quit the board in 2 weeks, on the Anniversary of D-Day (or Jour-J, as the Frenchies put it). But I can sit down and shut up now.
I know. Smiley's thread is like the forum coffeehouse, with everything from great acoustic folk music to really godawful "open mic night" comedy thrown in.
heck don't sit down & shut up, your thread is one of my favorites, I think we've all learned alot from it, and I look forward to the book and I expect a book.
Your response to her when she crossed that boundary was emotional, that's not how to respond, I would have told her that she needs to put a lid on it and respect you when she's around you & the kids, she needs to keep her personal life to herself.
Getting up and leaving or storming out as it sounds, was kind of like, I can't stand to hear this, it hurts too much, i need to get out of here right now. If anything I would have asked her to leave if she continues to talk like that, give her the choice to smarten up or take a hike.
If she says "what's the big deal", tell her that you could easily talk about "Miss Someone" when she's around but you don't need to flaunt it, your self-esteem is intact and don't need to brag about your fun and it's kind of sad for you to see her continuing to reassure her weak self-esteem and deflated ego at your expense - it's boring.
She has poor self-esteem, I can guarantee you that. No one who is secure with themselves would need to flaunt what they're doing as much, it's the only thing that she feels makes her feel like she has value & self-worth but she ends up looking like a joke. People who feel better about themselves by attempting to make others around them feel worse have low self-esteem, they only feel better when they make someone else feel worse.
Knowing this gives you an advantage and actually gives you a bit of insight into her world, she's insecure, very insecure.
No, it wasn't a "getting up and storming out" kind of thing.
The plates had been cleared, the check presented - we were just guzzling coffee.
And my tone was balanced if trending slightly disapproving. When she snuck it in there I was more by way of being "well then, that's that - on that note..." Not frosty, per se, but a definite cold front had moved into the area. And when there was an audience-appropriate time to reassert the boundary I capitalized on it.
Didn't want to hector her in front of Themselves or a room full of international pancake aficionados.
For what it's worth, STBXMRSSP would be the first to admit she has a self-esteem problem. Nearly from Day One she's repeatedly said things like "I'm unlovable," "I can hardly even get used for sex" (viz, Signore breakup), "no one will ever love me the way you did," "I'll die alone," "All I am is a cheater and a liar and that's all I'll ever be," and the like. She plays it for sympathy, to be sure, but I'm not prepared to dismiss out of hand the notion that this discourse isn't also a fairly accurate portrayal of her own self-evaluations (at least from time-to-time).
