Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. When my H recommitted to working on the M, it was the biggest letdown--he told me this on the phone, came home, gave me a (genuine) hug ... and had nothing more to say on the subject at that time. This was followed by about 7 months of him coming out of his depression, during which he'd sometimes be verbally and physically affectionate, and other times he'd be back in his low and unsharing state, or irritable, or very critical of anything our MC suggested.
It took him several weeks to say "ILY," and months till he could say it regularly. It took him a long time to get over the OW. It was over a year before he started to express guilt and regret for what he'd put me through. Sometimes I'd have to leave the bed and go downstairs to cry because I felt alone, unsupported, and as though we'd never make it to a good R.
You don't say--do you have good times together sometimes? Is he properly appreciative of you sometimes--I gather it's not every day he won't thank you for dinner? He did believe what our MC told him, that he would feel better, then worse again, then better, then worse again (rinse & repeat) for some time ... but that each "low" period would be better than the last. It gave him something to cling to, and proved to be true.
Is the old H peeking through sometimes? If he is, hang in.
Until things really got better, I reminded myself a lot to stay detached, and that I'd proven I could be fine without my H, and would be fine without him again if necessary. Meanwhile, take care of meeting whichever of your needs that he can't right now.
