Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Thanks for all the kind words. It is actually today we are going to tell the kids and then have him put down on Fri. W and I just had another discussion about what we were going to do, very friendly/warm. I did have to tell her that I was going to be present for all this, not because she needed any help, but becuase I WANTED to be there...she seemed to on a path of making all the arrangements without checking on my availability. When I told her this, she was very pleasant and understanding and asked when I wanted to have all this scheduled. No resistance.

Right now, to be honest, I can't think about what I need to do for myself. I just need to get my kids thru this and get this behind us. I know the older daughter is going to be devastated. While W was on her trip and the dog started limping again, I already dealth with the daughter in tears because she didn't want the do to die.

Yes all this has me thinking too much about the W, but I realize that isn't going to change for a couple of days. I'll get past that stage, but not today. I'm just being realistic, not looking for a 2x4.

It is so odd, the dynamic I see over and over...it is something about our house. When we are not in the house, I get a much warmer, friendlier, happy to be with me W. In the house, cold and distant with a very high/strong wall around her. Just experienced it again, talking about the dog and how she felt and her sharing what she has gone thru today. I am fairly confident that today, here at work, I could have reached to hold her (in private) and she wouldn't have resisted. But I didn't...