I also wanted to say sorry for butting in on your thread. It seems you are getting very good support and many things to think about from varying perspectives so I will refrain from murking the waters further.
The attny (or lack of) issue caught my eye. It is also telling (IMO of course) that your W's parents so freely give her money. It's not something to make an issue about but is something you should be very aware of. Once you do get on a solid track of setting boundaries and really finding out what is what the legal backlash may (or may not) begin. It seems she has a willing source (her parents) to fund her needs for counsel if need be.
