2.) H wants to pick the kids up daily from school/daycare to spend time with them. Is this a good idea?
YES it is a good idea.
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Should I let them go back to "our house" during this time or pick them up from the apartment?
He can take them anywhere BUT YOUR HOUSE. I recommend adopting a "Drop off Parenting arrangement" The parent with the kids drops them off to the other parent. Example: I will pick the kids up from school tonight for "Tuesday dinner visit" and then drop them off at MsR2C house at 7:30.
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We have MC tonight @ 4. Should I say I want to continue or should I say no "He just needs to go to IC instead?"
I would strongly suggest that you keep the profesional involved. You could focus on Co-parenting instead of M issues.
[quote]4.) Should I ask for the house key when he moves out? The key fobs for my vehicle? YES and YES
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I would strongly suggest that you keep the profesional involved. You could focus on Co-parenting instead of M issues.
That totally makes sense. And by working on co-parenting, you are indirectly working on your M because you're working on communication, conflict resolution, and cooperation. That's one of the few things that parents have going for them in a separation situation.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
1) Decline. (One-on-one bonding time for both kids)
2) Decline, but send both kids with dad. Dad takes on full parenting time and you GAL.
3) Accept. Family time. You can DB. Be in the present and enjoy the experience.
What are your thoughts on each of the choices?
I think decline is not a good choice because then it will look like I'm intimated to do this.
He is going to have D9 on Friday night-overnight-but I'm just not quite ready for S1 to be gone overnight at H's apartment yet.
I think accept is the best choice but that I should play it by ear for the upcoming weekends to not always meet for breakfast because that just sets him up to have all day Saturday and Sunday to "be footloose and fancy free."
I also know that I have to "get over" my hang-up about not letting S1 stay overnight.
Please keep the helpful words coming...they are really helping me.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
"what is happening right now?". I usually find that the intolerable part of my experience isn't what's happening right now, it's my thoughts about the past/future. If you've been through labour without pain relief, you probably know that you're OK if you just stick with focusing on what's happening in your body at that moment.
These both helped quite a bit.
I had all natural labor with D9 and that was how I got thru it. With S1 I tried that but had to have an emergency C-section which was quite scary. We went thru years and years of infertility in order to have our two wonderful children...sometimes that makes this even harder...BUT I'm not going to think about that today...ANYWAY...
We packed up all the movies/cds and DVDs last night. Well, he packed them and I picked out the ones that were "mine." It just seemed SO crazy dividing our stuff. Seventeen years married, almost 20 years together and it boils down to a bunch of junk in a box....his/mine/ours. He is almost euphoric daily about all this. He's not even sad. I guess I wouldn't be sad either if I could have an apartment where I could screw my lover whenever I wanted. Some days I hate them both. I know that I cannot change other people. My new treadmill will be set up tonight which will be good.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
"I would strongly suggest that you keep the profesional involved. You could focus on Co-parenting instead of M issues."
We agreed to go back in two weeks. He says that the counselor continues to "beat him up" about the affair. If he is so sure it's the right thing why does he care what she thinks? I have encouraged him to go to IC but he makes no move in that direction. Some days I just wish I had a crystal ball.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
PROS- See what exactly is going-(but I don't really think that would be much.) Not be distracted at work
CONS- I would be seen as controlling I would have to watch truck pull away-which is sad. I would be seen as needy, dependent and weak. I would not to GAL-ing or moving on for me.
Ok, Thank you Ready2Change for the eye opening....I shouldn't do this....it's a bad idea. You would think being an adult I could have figured this out without having to make a list but I guess I needed to.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
