Hi MB, yes, if you watch Michele Davis' DVD she has here she makes a point of this fact :
"My advice is not rocket science. Its' very easy to understand... but its VERY hard to execute consistently.. even I forget somtimes and my husband catches me on it"
It IS important that he knows you want the marriage. It is important that he knows the affair is doing DAMAGE and making things a LOT WORSE.
But he does NOT need you to argue or to pursue him to know this. You state it calmly with DETACHMENT and WALK AWAY.
I konw its hard. Just do it for your kids... and for yourself... its not "attractive" for you to engage in his meladrama.. ok?
Just let him wring his hands in his drama and fight with the OW about how stressful his situation is... he WILL fight with her and DOES... believe me it happens.
If YOU don't fight, and SHE does argue with him.. he's going to come TO YOU...
Just think like a mother... they don't let thier kids' drama's overtake them... mother's know how to detach really well.. work with that and you will be fine..
It is hard to do, but with practice it gets easier... I can look back now and imagine how silly i was for arguing... it doesn't help at all.. it just validates their fears and makes things a LOT worse...
Drama BREEDS more drama... don't let it draw you in. Step back and be the mature one... just look at how immature he's being.. you don't want to set an example like that for your kids do you?
Its ok to show him hurt in your eyes and to tell him she's hurting you... but Don't argue.. state the damage she's doing and WALK AWAY and DON'T let him bait you BACK... he WILL counter and say something to try to get you pissed and attack him.. its a TRAP
