Making a 'set' plan kind of rough right now. Finding that each time I start, I see a lot of the anger I feel mixed in w/plan. Don't think that will help overall, but do have calm moments when things on the list have some common sense. Just have to keep fine tuning till it feels right.
As far as calling W tomorrow, right now I'm feeling that anger, not control. Maybe some sleep will help.
Thanks for the 'Wish list'. Will be using it as I map out the next few days. Then need to fine tune for continued use.
Hadn't thought of checking myself if W actually filed. Couldn't find anything on net. Had my business lawyer [and personal friend] check. It's not his specialty. An hour later he let me know, nothing yet. Says his info is, should take no more than 10 days to 2 weeks to get served, from when her lawyer files it with court clerk. 3 weeks would be very unusual. From when W left, two more days will be 3 weeks!
So question there still open for now. Her lawyer has been our family lawyer, and friend, for years. Guess it could be possible he could have hesitated filing, to see if there might be a change of mind! Or waiting for a final OK from W to file. Who knows?!
W called 3 more times this morning, no mess. Didn't answer. Felt the anger I was feeling wouldn't leave a good outcome. After I felt I could control it, I called. Grandson's mother is having problems. Possible I may need to pick him up sooner so his mother can take care of personal problems. As soon as W gave me needed info, I asked, "Anything else, I'm running behind today." W="Well, I guess not."
Cleaned up loose papers near the computer this morning. W always doodles on paper when on the phone. Writes her name in diff script, thoughts in her mind, etc. For some time I have noticed she has wrote her name with her maiden, instead of married. Ran across one that used her married a dozen times, and a thought she had written. "Why is everyone telling me I'm wrong? Will have to pray before I get there." Real thoughts? Or intentionally left to be found?
Lot of diff ways I could take that. But feel more need to get control of my own feelings right now. Finish a workable, ajust as needed, plan to go forward with what 'I' need.
Will try to check out FB this eve. On cell now, what a pain. Lot to think about right now. D21 left couple messages, she needs to talk to me? Will have to deal with that, see what's up. She usually sends text when at work, so I know 'somethings up'!
Think of this... I see you as THE ROCK of the family, perhaps a really NICE rock, but a strong one nonetheless. The GOTO man!
Maintain that healthy presence for all right now, but try not to get caught up in intentional and/or W's issues situational drama. (wonder if that came out right?)
They may need you to be the one to help w/Grandson. Nothing wrong with that. Does that change W's return home?
Random question - is W's delay to come home because of cost due to your cutting off her spending $? How much can a flight be, for crying out loud?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Can, and will pick up grandson if neded. W did mention she was checking about poss flight change. But I have the feeling she hadn't even got return tic yet, from how she worded things.
$$. I had cut her off on all 'extras.' Did find out her father gave her an agenda to see, visit members of his family he hasn't seen for some time. Take pictures of, current info on health, etc. Also to check on some property interest he has about 2 hours from there. Seems he wired $ for W to rent a car for a week to handle these things. Time frame seems reasonable.
Got phone # for county clerk. Is confirmed, nothing filed. If filed, could be 1, but up to 2 weeks possible. If over 2 weeks, most often because person hard to find. I'm easier to find than the Post Office!!!
Did W actually have L prepare papers? Is family L stalling w/own agenda? Who knows?
Since he has been our family lawyer, thought about calling him. But he is a friend also, so don't want to put him in a position to have to be vauge, or for W to find out I took time to check. Think better right now for W not to have a clue, what I'm doing, or what I'm thinking.
Just answered mess from W. "Need to talk about grandson's mother's problem." Called, will confirm myself. Seems grandson's mother is in drastic need for $500. Certainly will confirm this w/her myself, before I wire a penny. Do know her well enough to know she would have called W first to have her ask, and well enough to verify need when I talk to her.
Again, when finished, I said, "anything else, I'm busy". W = "Welllllllll, okay, bye." Get the feeling W wants to say something, but wants me to ask first.
IMO your family attny would not be able to handle a divorce case as he has once represented both you and your W for other issues.
That would be a conflict of interests. Unless this differs by state when you consult with an attny in the area of family law it is required the attny run a check on both you and your spouse to be sure the other spouse has never had a consult or conducted any business with ANY attny in the practice.
My bus att. brought up the same question. I had looked over original 'mutual agreement' papers from last oct that I had refused to sign. No representing att mentioned anywhere. Not on his letterhead. Not listed as signee on final pages.
Business att suggest that family L probably just helped her prepare the papers, but for her to file it herself. If not, he would have had his name included as representing att..? Go figure, who knows.
I would look in to that matter. Again, unless this differs greatly by state if an attny prepares ANYTHING they have to sign their name to it. In fact, in my state in both separation and divorce decrees there is a predetermined space for the preparer's name and everything must be notarized. In addition, there must be a third witness (usually a paralegal or another attny in the firm for convenience sake) to initial the document.
IMO the scenario you painted above is equivalent to somebody getting medical advice from a dr. and the dr. telling them to order the meds from India online. No licensed professional is going to risk that in order to "help out a friend".
