Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

Walking a tightrope with D10 on something. She had a very good report card. Two As and the rest Bs. No Cs. I owe her $15 for the good scores.

She said she wants to quit swimming. I asked her why and it's a lot of excuses. Finally, the truth came out. She got too tired.

D10 is extreeeemmmmmmeeeeelllllyyyyyy lazy when it comes to exercise. She'd sit and watch TV all day. Now that she's 10 though she's developing a booty and a tummy and she's interested in boys and wants to be skinny.

I just want her to be healthy. She used asthma as an excuse when she was younger not to run. Turns out she didn't have asthma, we just had really old, musty carpet.

She's promised she'll walk/run the dog with me this summer. I told her I was disappointed she was quitting swimming. She actually has the body type to be a very very good swimmer.

Now she says she wants to try basketball. I did not say this, but she has no hand-eye coordination and she doesn't like sports where people are physical. This is a disaster waiting to happen.

But I told her I'd look for a summer league for her.

On a positive note, D7 said she wanted to play soccer again this summer. Last year, we signed her up and she didn't concentrate and it was like pulling teeth to get her to go.

Ahhhhhhhhh the joys.

[mishka422]

Oh yes....joy joy.

Do you think D10 wants to play basketball because you score basketball and she sees that as something that you could have a common interest in? It's just a feeling I get having been a young girl at one point. I always wanted to play football, but they didn't let girls play back then. That was my dad's first love so I wanted to please him. I played softball and won the aware for losing the most blood. Literally, there was a certificate and everything. The ball always found my nose. I couldn't catch for anything! My dad was so proud of me for trying and he umpired so it brought us close. I'm just saying, that could be her motivation.

D7 and soccer....cracks me up. At that age it's so funn since they mainly play 'herd ball'. Running in a pack up and down the field, not playing position or watching offside or anything. So cute.

Enjoy your evening!

[ClingingToHope]

After school lady is sick again today. W called to say she'd ask her mom to watch them for a bit. I told her it wasn't necessary. It's my night with them and I'll just stay home and work from home.

I'm not sure if I should have said yes. Basically, I don't plan on asking for help unless I really, really, really, really need it.

Weird thing this morning. Had a very, very vivid dream about W this morning. Made me wake up missing her. If things go smoothly this week and weekend, I'll be going on a couple of weeks of not seeing her at all.

Just typing this though is making me think about her. I think I'm going to be transitioning away from the site. I remember when I first started, I was posting five or six times a day.

[C-Bart]

Not to get too personal but was the dream of a sexual nature? I had one of those about four-five months ago. Made the mistake of mentioning it to my wife. BIG mistake. She told me I needed to go get me some. In fact she instructed me how the OM (EA my butt) was able to use all the pain he had to his advantage and by doing that he was able to attract women. Talk about choking on your own saliva. That was not a very good day.

[awest1217]

You didn't do anything wrong by saying you will take the girls. It is probably more convenient for you to get them and stay with them tonight all night instead of going to MIL to get the girls. Enjoy your time!

[ClingingToHope]

I think the dream came from D10 telling me W is working out again. I'm glad for her and jealous at the same time. As she got more and more depressed, she gained more and more weight and tried fad diets or expensive equipment.

She always seemed jealous that I've always been able to keep the weight off. Part of it is just who I am. I've played basketball my entire life. A couple of weeks ago I actually was back down to my high school graduation weight. My life will really change when I can't play anymore.

So I think W working out must have been in my head when I went to bed. She's a beautiful girl no matter what but was just gorgeous in 2006.

Good night with the girls. I had to take them to a neighbor's apartment for an hour for a work function. I'm trying to stay in line for a promotion so I had to play the corporate game today.

D7 mentioned on a couple of occasions that W doesn't have any money. W called tonight to tell me all of the tax stuff was in. Luckily I got a call from work so I could jump off the call with her.

I've always done the taxes and will again -- for the final time. I just want to do them on my terms and my time. I know she needs the money, but I'll make her call a few more times since she hasn't been answering my emails.

When I get down I've been having success thinking that the settlement should get me out of a ton of the debt she ran up. By this time next year I should be doing a lot better.

[ClingingToHope]

Had my final free session with IC today. Really wasn't a lot to talk about. I told her I was struggling with anger. She told me that when she sees her ex-husband around town -- they were married 23 years -- it's similar to seeing an old boyfriend.

I told her I couldn't imagine it ever feeling that way. Then again, five or six months ago I didn't feel I'd be this far along emotionally.

Side thing. W had to pick up D7 from school early because she was sick, and she texted to ask if I could come home and stay with her early. I said yes. Unfortunately I had to see her even for a few minutes. I know I'm supposed to "shine," but all I wanted to do was get in, get D7, grab whatever mail I had and get out.

I don't feel like shining right now.

She texted me later to ask when I wanted to do the taxes. I responded with a question about her vacation weeks. She hasn't told me when they are so I can't schedule mine.

D7 told me today that W told her daddy may never come live with them again.

[awest1217]

It would be interesting to note how W told D7 that daddy may never come to live with them again. I don't know, but it kind of seems like she is starting to second guess things. She didn't say we are getting a divorce or daddy is not going to live here anymore, but she said maybe. I know that you are past thinking there is hope, but it is definitely interesting.

Enjoy your weekend!

[ClingingToHope]

Perhaps. I didn't read it that way. She came over at 7:45 this morning with D7, who was going to miss school with a persistent cough. She tried to call at 7:20 a.m. but I left the phone downstairs.

I was still sleeping. I don't have to be at work until 9 a.m. When we were together I was always up at 6 a.m. to get the girls ready for school. It took five or six months for my body clock to change. Now, I sleep until 8 a.m. or so since it doesn't take long for me to get ready and work is five minutes away.

So when I answered the door I was in my pajamas so I wasn't shining. D7 was jumping up and down to see me.

I couldn't say no and I wouldn't have anyway. D7 came in and watched TV and I got ready for work. I took her with me for an hour and then brought work home.

I'm waiting for W to pick her up and I'll go in for the afternoon and pick both up later. W is late as always.

I tell you I love my job -- although I'm bored with much of what I'm doing -- but it's great to be able to come and go as I please.

D7 isn't that sick, but it will restrict what we were going to do. No matter. I didn't have big plans. In two weeks we're going to Medevil Times for D10's birthday. None of us have ever been there. W hasn't either. We were supposed to go years ago with her parents for their anniversary, but her parents got into a fight right before we were supposed to leave and it was cancelled.

I told D10 I'd invite W, but I don't want to anymore. If she brings it up I'll just tell her that I don't really want to spend any time with W right now. Next year, when I'm feeling better, we'll invite her along.

Instead, I'll bring a friend of D10's along on the trip.

[ClingingToHope]

Well D10 asked W to go to Medevil Times. It serves me right for discussing things with D10. W told her she'd go if it was the right night.

I told D10 I wish she hadn't asked.

Now I think I'll just not ask W.

I really have to keep things closer to the vest.