H4L, it's encouraging for me to read threads in piecing. I hope that you and your H can work things out. It sounds like a long, hard road, but there's so much at stake. I haven't read your entire thread, but your H's defensiveness, etc. reminds me of my H.

Actually both H and I have a lot of defensiveness. I realize that a good 180 project for me would be to just be able to listen to H and everyone else. To actually listen without talking at the same time to myself in my head. H needs me to hear his complaints (even if they are mean/unjustified/grumpy), he needs me to hear his "good ideas" (even if I think they are dumb) etc. I have some really bad habits in this area, because I don't feel heard and because of the hurt that I have about not being respected for years.

It sounds like you are really working on your responses to your H...good for you!


me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4
current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp
.: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.