Question

[awest1217]

I am definitely being cautious, but H is trying and last night he text me at like 10:30 (I am figuring because he would normally text OW), but he text me instead. He was saying that over the last week he is finally starting to feel happy again. He said that he is really trying to change. He admitted that he is still talking to OW and having a hard time ignoring her, but he is trying and doing his best to make S and I number one priority. I am not saying he is not even close, but he is trying, and he has had OW for years (I honestly don't remember a time where there wasn't one, and he admits there was always one, but he doesn't understand why because I am not doing anything wrong and he doesn't want to lose me) so I am going to try to give him some time to go to a counselor and get some help to deal with these issues.

I am trying to just give him enough space so he can change, but at the same time be cautious to make sure he is changing. It is such a fine line, but I am doing my best to walk it.

[awest1217]

Today was a good day, but needing some space day. S has been very fussy and more clingy than normal and with my busy weekend, I just needed some space so a rough day for us. Church was good, and after I text H to see if he wanted to go out to eat because S asked to go out to eat (we normally do on Sundays with friends at church, but each family has one person sick so couldn't). H didn't get back to me until 3 hours later. I thought about getting mad, but then I didn't notice his text until two hours after he text me so I let it go. He was doing some work for work. I was cleaning. He asked if I had eaten dinner and brought over subs. We ate and had a relaxing no hassle night. S even laughed hysterically which was fun. Overall a good night and more and more little things to show H is trying so each time he does something it gives me strength to continue on.

[Lucky11too]

It's good that he is being honest about R with OW. It would have been better if he just cut her off completely, but the fact that he knows that she is part of the problem and is starting to cut her out by comminicating less with her is a great start. I have even more respect now for the strength you've shown dealing with the OW. It's one thing to read about another person's sitiation, but when it hits your own home, it really brings about true understanding. Keep up the great work though. It's really awesome that he continues to make the time for you and S and foster those relationships!

[awest1217]

Things are still going well. H came over last night and I made dinner. He kept saying it was good to eat a meal that wasn't microwaved or a restaurant. We had a good night and he helped with the dishes. Over all it was a good night. I did check his AIM because he left at 7 saying he was "tired". He said he didn't fall asleep until 3 am the night before. I figured it was because he was talking to OW. I only saw the last few things OW sent him which was reassuring for me. It was "what can I do" and "why won't you respond". They could still be talking a lot, but I believe he really is trying to stop talking to her, and he is texting me all the time (sometimes it is when I need to sleep, but I want to make sure I am there when he wants to talk because OW would do that since she doesn't have a job right now), coming over, and even calling so I will take it. A little all the time. I am still being cautious, but good signs.

[LolaL]

Very good signs

[Lucky11too]

Yes, all good progress! =) Have you heard any news from H about going to therapy this week? (I know you don't want to nag about it, but has he mentioned anything more about it?)

[awest1217]

Nothing about therapy yet, but we only discussed that last Wednesday so not even a week later. I can verify that he has been very busy at work so I am going to wait until next week and when he keeps coming over ask if he had called a therapist. I don't want to nag, so I think a little over a week is enough time to give him a chance to call.

[awest1217]

Having a "frustrating" day. My students are really getting to me (trimester is almost over, thank God so new students coming). They are doing the stupidest things like when I say DO NOT WRITE ON THIS PAPER (we have a paper shortage and I am trying to use the same papers all day long), then they write on the paper and just laugh about it, or argue everything I say...UGH! At least I am taking Friday off and I am going to go to Carmel for a youth conference that will end Saturday then home to spend time with my sister and her family from TN.

On the H front I also got a little perturbed with something small. I put on FB that if someone is paying for a gym membership or made a new year's resolution to get in shape. They just need to go outside shovel the snow and then chase around a 2 year old outside. It is a full body work out. I got some cute responses, but then H says or just do EA active. I understand he meant it as that is how he is getting in shape, but come on, he should be losing weight (I lost 15 lbs during the separation and need to gain about 9 back, and he gained 20 lbs, which he needs to lose about 10) by shoveling the snow at the place that is HIS HOUSE TOO. Or helping chase OUR son around. I wanted to respond something nasty like not everyone has a wii and some of us have to take care of the house we live in, but didn't because I know he didn't mean anything mean about it. It just erks me, and work probably isn't helping.

Other news, H has not slept all week. He is getting around 3 to 4 hours of sleep and doesn't understand why. Just interesting. He is still texting me a lot and even said last night he was listening to a classical station when canon in D came on which I walked down the aisle to (I hate the wedding march). He said he was remembering our wedding. Sweet, but action.

PATIENCE!

[Lucky11too]

Sounds like a frustrating day. Some kids are so ornery! Well at least the end is in sight for you. When does the trimister end?

Well, it sounds like this weekend is going to be really good for you. You and H have been making so much progress but I'm sure its good to get away from it for a bit. Spending time with family is always great too. =)

Yeah, I wouldn't take what H said too hard. I know it's hard not to be sensitive to those types of comments when you've felt like you've had to be super woman just trying to keep up the house, raising S, and working! But at least he cared enough and took the time to look and respond to your page. And instead of taking it negatively, maybe you could turn it to your advantage since you know he likes playing the Wii and make a date out of it. Maybe reply playfully back to his comment something like, well I hope you've been practicing, I'll take you on (on whatever wii sport you/he likes). Or whatever you feel comfortable saying, but just a thought. But I get you about the whole daily exercise when you're chasing a very active S around. I finally actually worked out last night (for the first time in who knows how long) and surprising, I'm in the best shape I've been in in years. Thanks S! haha.

Definitely watch the sleep issue with H. If it's just temporary b/c of stress, it's exhausting, but not a big deal. But if it doesn't resolve itself shortly, H might might want to see a sleep specialist, b/c lack of sleep can really start to reck havoc on your body!

Hehe, I thought that was cute though about the canon D song. So good that you continue to be in his thoughts even when you're not around. Yay, for progress! I know you're not out of the woods yet, but it's great that he continues to make these baby steps. Continue to be patient and stay strong.

[awest1217]

The trimester ends the end of February. March 1 starts my new set of students and most of them are brand new to me, which will be helpful. I just get frustrated as I go to the higher ups and nothing happens to certain students or they worm their way out of it. Oh well...the joys of teaching. There are many highlights to my day, but the few bad students are just wearing me thin, and that takes a lot because I am pretty laid back.

I am definitely going to keep an eye on the sleeping and maybe that can be a good way to bring up IC that he said he would do. Going to a IC may help him realize what is causing the problems. I have always thought he had sleep apnea. I even would tell him some mornings how I woke up because I thought he had stopped breathing and it looked like he was having a seizure in his sleep (my sister has epilepsy so I know what they look like), but he always just blew it off.

I am a very impatient person sometimes and really want this over, but now that we are moving forward, I want to make sure I stay calm and don't push too hard. As long as there is progress, and OW keeps going away more and more...I can be happy and just pull strength from that. I just sometimes wish he would stop saying "it will be soon" when he talks about coming home. what is soon? Another 5 months? PATIENCE!