feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

H called one of our close friend (woman) to go to dinner last night. He text me to let me know he was going. My friend said he initiated it..probably just wanted to avoid coming home. I guess I'll find out later what they talked about.

I tell you guys H is cold as ever. He is avoiding me like the plaque now where as before he'd initiate some conversation etc. These last few days he doesn't even want to be in the same room.

This morning he changed his password on his email...now that's big. I feel like he'll be moving out very soon. I wonder how someone can be so angry...what the heck did I do? Do I really have that much power over you? jeez I figure if you are gonna leave a R no need to be an a** about it.

Well guys I had a decent day yesterday and today I must really prepare for what's coming.

You said it would get worse before (if ever) it got better....well here it is.

G - my ME things for today are

1 - attorney visit
2 - workout
3 - lunch with my mom

Keep praying for me...it's the only thing working right now!

[Gnosis]

Luv, I don't see anything in your list that 'makes you happy' You need at least ONE of those. The attorney is a task... i.e. something that needs to be done. Separate work from pleasure.

Here are some ideas:
(a) get a facial
(b) change your hair
(c) manicure/pedicure
(d) get a complete 'makeover'

Do things that WILL make you feel better and increase your self-esteem.

As for your friend, let us know what H told her.

Remember, you are DB'ing for YOU.

[DDogs]

Luv. Just my input. If the h is seeking out your friends, he may be attempting to spin his side of the story to your frends. This may feel to him that he is rationalizing and justifying what he's doing.

I would expect to hear from your friend all of the "bad" that has been done to him by you and also how "terrible" a person you are. My assumption is that it's all fluff to make him look good.

[mindfull]

Luv - I was just going to type almost the exact thing that DDog did...

[luvless]

Hey guys - no..you're wrong. I wouldn't have thought he would of Luv bashed either he's too smart to do that to one of my friends. He is more manipulative than that. He wants her to see him as a good guy.

My friend called and told me she sees a very miserable Mr. Luv..that he seems like a rebellious teenager (I think this too) That he said, "look I'm not here to Luv bash I'm just not happy." He did mention to her Sat night was a bad night (remember he told us all to f*ck off) but he was saying it like HE was the victim.

She said she told him divorce is never the route to go. This friend of mine has been divorced for three years - her H cheated on her and left so she has some serious input.

He just basically focused on his unhappiness. He came home and was smiling (mind you this is a very sarcastic smile he does) so that was weird. He mentioned to her that Luv has his passwords and friend said, "and how is that any different from 10 yrs ago" what has changed? and why would you be upset about that now?
So..he changed his password this morning....red flag for me.

Anyway...I'm feeling weird..I don't want to be with someone who treats me like this and who is going to this length of destruction without trying to stop it. It seems he is escalating (I know it gets worse) but seriously...I dunno.

I'm gonna keep to myself and get some stuff done around here. He was going on a trip Thursday but now that changed so he'll be home this weekend. I'm going to avoid any negative activity at all costs! I know he'll try to drag me into one but I won't have it.

I feel like I'm getting pissed...weird feelings I'm having guys...like numb too.

Ok talk to you soon.

[DDogs]

Hey guys - no..you're wrong. I wouldn't have thought he would of Luv bashed either he's too smart to do that to one of my friends. He is more manipulative than that. He wants her to see him as a good guy.

That's his spin, to be seen as the good guy.. Didn't say it had to be a successful spin , only that that was his intent.

I'd think he's trying to get influence to you through your friends.

[luvless]

I guess you're right DD - it's still trying to look like the good guy...yeah right.

[CityGirl]

To this day my H still tells me he is a "good guy" and everybody thinks so. Um, ok!

External validation is all that is. As long as *somebody* thinks he is a good guy he can run with it and bypass all the "non good guy" stuff he is participating in.

[luvless]

I hear you CG - and it's pretty pathetic!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

guys, it's not just that he's trying to look like the good guy. He's only focused on himself right now because he can only see/feel the hurt that HE has. He can't focus on what he is doing to everyone else.

this is why we call them aliens, or they are in a fog, or their head is in the sand, whatever. They are not thinking realistically, and it's like they are mentally sick.

so, luv. can you say that at least 20% of your M was good? even 5%? I remember reading somewhere, that even only having 5% of your whole marriage being good, does not mean there is no hope.

So, anyways, here is what you said

I'm going to avoid any negative activity at all costs!

do this do this do this!!!! make some plans now, and be excited about them. be almost giddy around the house, don't let his unhappiness change you. whenever he is negative, then just imagine something crazy, or respond with something positive instead. Or if he calls you a name, like a b**ch, then pretend he said beautiful. anything to not let you go down his road.

my H was exactly like your H is doing. just don't worry about what he's doing now, and just follow your goal to saving YOU.

and yes, G is right, you need to list something that is fun for you. what hobbies do you have, or havent done in years, do something different for yourself,.. do you fix up, do your makeup, where cute clothes?