Just like any other time in the past, when the end felt near, I feel what I always feel:like I am in a comma. I cant react, I cant talk. I feel as if life is slipping away from my fingers.
The end with M? The woman I loved so much, that I married, with whom I created 2 lovely cratures that I am so proud of? How?
The way you describe to me how you feel, your reality, what I write maybe of no interest to you. You have have always been a creature of actions, of reality, now even more so. Consequently everything that has no specific action towards any direction, to you may mean nothing, I dont know that. It's what I am thinking lately. You have come to believe that I cant offer you what you need and I feel the same way now. I believe it. The more you state it, the worse I feel. (I dont blame you, it's good that you share it, it's not your fault). I feel helpless. Like a paraplegic. Why cant I offer to you simple things? I am useless. An [censored]. The way things are stated, I realise that now. But since I dont know how or I cant offer you what you need, my inability to give what you need should not keep you in this sitch/limbo. I have no right to ask you that. But then what? The end? How? And on and on and on in my head. The same vicious circle. With no end and no beginning. 24 hours a day. With no solution.
M I love you. And no matter what happens I will always love you. And you are always the most important person in my life that means the world to me I told you about often : that I listen to, affects me, things you already know and I think you feel too, I dont have to describe them for you. It's so hard feeling I am loosing you...
