Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Coach - thanks for stopping by.

Updates - when it rains, it pours, thats kind of how I'm feeling about life today. No PMA, won't even try to fake it. Last night, W takes our dog back to vet, still not getting better. Learn he has cancer in leg and bone is broke there. W calls upset and we decide to wait a day to tell the kids. I get the kids fed, in bed, W not showing up back home. A few texts and I find out that she needs a few minutes on her own. She comes home, has herself collected, wall is up and she wants no support from me and doesn't want to give any support to me. A couple of times she starts crying again and I try to comfort her, and she says she is fine and then says please - as in please back off. All of that hurt - hurt because I needed someone and hurt because she did too - but she is so intent on showing/feeling nothing, that even the dog dieing doesn't phase her.

When she came home, she told me she just went to a parking lot and cried. She couldn't come home when the girls were still awake because she would have lost it and we had decided we were going to leave work early the next day and tell them. She then says to me you can even look at my phone if you want...which I ignored...I really don't know how to react to those statements when she thinks I am wondering about contact with OM and then says something like that.

Woke up still in down mood and my shoulder/neck really sore/tight certainly from the added stress. We worked out together and shoulder was really bothering me, W could tell, and seemed annoyed. I guess she thought I was putting on act. At one point she even asked (not nicely) if I needed her to massage the shoulder. Based on the tone of the voice, I said no.

When in the shower, she did leave her phone out, and for the first time in a while, I snooped. No evidence of any contact with OM back thru Sunday...of course there are ways to cover it. Only thing that caught my eye was something she had told me about last night...something about looking up your name on this slang website and seeing what your name means. Guess what, she looked up three names: herself, me, and OM. What does that mean, who knows, she still thinks about him, no surprise there.

I'm just down. We've had the dog for 11 years, we got him together before we even had kids, now he is in pain and needs to be put down. This is the first time we've had to do something like this with the girls, this is not fun. I've got a WAW, losing the dog now...just feels like everything I've known is being yanked out from under me.

Got to press on from this...just needed to get that out of my system.