#2: WAH separated from us & I'm on the DBing path

[flowmom]

He IS, as you say, treating you like a piece of s--- on the bottom of his shoe. You are right about that. That's why you have to try to avoid him as much as possible and keep it light and pleasant until he cools down.

Yeah, I've been doing that. I think it really just got to me that day. I think he might have worked himself up about the bed issue (and got grumpy as a result), which he addressed yesterday by taking our bed and giving me a new one. That's a pattern: he has to get really worked up and grumpy in order to ask for what he wants in this R.

Mine grumbles about money constantly. They do not realize or care that it hurts your feelings. They only see their own stress.

I'm sorry you're going through that too. I see what you mean. I hate being financially dependent on H. It's been a huge trust issue to be in this situation (due to parenting responsibilities and choices) and my trust has been violated (ie I never would have allowed myself to become financially dependent if I thought that our M was on such shaky ground).

If he's verbally abusive, draw the line in the sand.

He's not verbally abusive and I believe that he's trying as hard as he can to behave properly around me (for the kids). But he's always stressed and sleep-deprived (and has been for years) so the impulse control isn't always there.

Lost Rabbit and Hope4Luv have a lot of information about depression and anxiety related moaning and groaning and rudeness on their threads.

Thanks, I will check their threads out. It's hard to find/keep track of everyone's thread though!

Are you phoning him?

I never phone him. I email him about parenting issues only, and I try to limit that too.

I noticed that you want him to stop avoiding you.

I just think it wouldn't kill him to occasionally say something to me that isn't strictly necessary. There's a certain grim-ness in our interactions, and my efforts to be cheerful and lighten things are really hard going. I want our children to see us as friends, at least.