This friend who's recommended this to you . . . what are his credentials? Does he have experience with infidelity, and the best way to combat it?
I can only tell you what worked for me, and what I have seen work in studying literally thousands of affairs over the past several years. And the "Little Bo-Peep" approach ain't it.
You're not understanding the difference between boundaries and controlling ultimatums. Let me try to help you.
The best way I can answer that is that if you make it about HIM, they will come across as "demands" and being "controlling."
If you make them about YOU, and what YOU need, then they are "boundaries of personal integrity."
Example:
"I forbid you to see OW" = CONTROLLING
"I can't live in an open marriage" = BOUNDARY
"You need to check in with me every day, and give me your cellphone bill!" = CONTROLLING
"In order to feel safe in our reconciliation, considering your recent affair, I need to know that you're no longer talking or texting her by having the cellphone bill come to me for awhile" = BOUNDARY
"You can't talk to me that way!" = CONTROLLING
"I like ME too much to allow myself to be spoken to so disrespectfully. Please come back when you've calmed down, and we can talk further." = BOUNDARY
Make sense?
It's also HOW you say it. It should come across as something you HATE to have to even ASK for, and that you'll COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND if he doesn't feel she can do it, but hey -- this is what I need right now. Let me know."
