You are totally right that until I detach, I will be hung up on OW no matter what.
That takes time. Physical distance would help.
Even if I moved to another little town nearby, so that I was sleeping and driving to/from work from another place, I would presumably still want to be involved in activities in this town.
I'm on the rescue squad; board of the Opera House; active in the theatre group.
I have friends here; would presumably still meet them in the bar or restaurants.
I am working on getting new friends and new activities, but that takes time and has always been difficult ever since I moved to VT. Really, it is something everyone says--really hard to get into new friendships--takes a lot of time.
So unless I do a BIG move--new job, new state--I won't get good physical distance.
If I did do an intervention--which many signs are pointing to 'no', I am sure that the guys I would ask are on my side. I could be pretty darn clear that it wasn't a matter of hoping and begging for him.
Pearl, X and I worked on this house together. Not as much as LFA and her X, but a lot. Building, painting, building porch, re-siding, basement work--the house was improved immeasurably out of our love for each other and life together.
So to just hand it over to OW--it's killer. I know many people here have been through this, and survived.
It would be different if it were a little condo that all we ever did was put some new paint in the bathroom.
But goddarn it, for her to move her clothes into my closet that I built; brush her teeth in the bathroom that I helped design and put together--I just can't take that pain right now.
Do I just leverage for time? "I'll sell to you in 1 year?"
I had asked for a year to MAKE a decision on the house, not be done, bought out, and moved out by. And he gave me back the anniversary of Bomb Day to be moved out by.
Time, time, time, I need time.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
