Do you want to at least have a shot at saving your M??? Do you??? Then stop what you are currently doing and detach. Because you are so geek up from being rejected, you can't even see that your situation is so bad, at least it wasn't but you just keep pushing. I would take your situation in a heartbeat.
Do yourself, your kid, your family, and your friends here a favor and go dark as much as posiible. Not to get back at your W, but to help you, to stabalize your mind and emotions. Until that is accomplished by you and only you. You have no shot. Is that what you want?? I don't think so. I know its hard. I know its the hardest thing you have ever had to do, but you must get it done.
You're right...deep down I do want a shot. But theres so much doubt in my mind as to that happening, not only due to my own foolish actions but due to her mindset. I'm scared to death of thinking that some point int he future I "might" have a shot...and then it turn out not to be true.
My ex's mother is still with the boyfriend she left my ex's father for and that's been almost 4 years. I dont think either her mother or father tried DB-ing...but still. My ex seems to be following the same path as her mother...no counseling etc...and it gives me very little hope.
Originally Posted By: Deep
Pearl is right about the carnage here. What exactly have you done to "work on yourself"? And why are you still linking working on yourself to desired reactions from her?
Maybe I misunderstood the advice so far. I guess what you're saying is that "working on me" is just for me and will not affect her? For some reason I always got the impressoin that working on me was not just for me, but for her benefit...to make me into a "shiny" person that she would want to come back to? Please use a 2x4 and let me know if I'm mistaken.
Originally Posted By: Deep
Decide what you want. Helping you cope and move on depends on what you choose.
As I sit here typing this...my D3 turns to me and says "Daddy...I hope mommy wants to come back." It's taking every fiber of my being not to break down in front of her right now.
While I flip flop back and forth, if I could have anything I wanted, what I truely want is for my ex and I to reunite in a new and stronger than ever relationship and for both of use to be happier than ever. But if that can't happen, what I want is to move on and be happy without her and stop feeling like crap due to choices she made that were never under my control.
But I have no crystal ball to see the future...so I dont know what the outcome will be. Is the safer choice to assume things wont ever work out and that I should move on "as if"? I dont want to still be like I am 6 months from now....or even 3 months from now. I dont want to have false hope in the back of my mind.
And I would like to restate the major coparenting issue and would appreciate everyones input on it: She wants us to get along for D3 and even be friends (or maybe just get along given my most recent behavior). How do I handle this? Should I tell her we can get along for our D3? Am I supposed to be friendly with hi's and chitchat when I see her each day? Do I have to/should I do family lunches/events if she asks?
Would doing that be sending the message that I am ok with/accept what happened...with what she did? While thats what she wants me to do...accept things...is that the message I want to send? To me it doesnt feel like it, but some of you vets might see it differently...like if I send that message it might do me some good either now or down the road that I'm not seeing.
And how am I supposed to go dark and detatch if we're getting along and such for our D3? It seems like I would be betraying myself doing that.
