MSH, sounds like you are still on the right track. If your W has put some weight on and you think there is another guy, then I would say that R is purely superficial...just trying to fill some companion ship void or something. If she were truely interested in this guy, she would be trying to look her best...at least this is what happend in my sitch.
The D thing in my sitch has had me down the past few days. Just the realization of it and how far gone the W is, has been tough. I keep cycling through thoughts of her (and the OM) and its killer. The woman does not seem to care about anything other than the D and the OM. It is almost like we were never married. She cast me to the side fast!! I know I need to focus on other things but easier said than done. I am like you, how can I still love this woman after all the terrible things she has done.
DW, Its good to hear from you, sorry it is been tough the last couple of days. When is the last time you had a break? I mean from the kids from the sitch, everything? Have you ever thought about asking her to take to kids for some extra days and you just go somewhere, anywhere, just get out of the house and away. God knows you deserve it, and there is no way she could argue with it.
I try not to beat myself up for loving my wife still, I read recently that the love never dies even if we remarry and are happy the rest of our lives. The love of your spouse ususally carries to the grave, that is not to say you have to be misrable but it does require detatchment. I think loving your wife despite what she has done is admirable and something to be proud of and you certainly have the respect of me and everyone else on these boards.
I have had a pretty bad day today myself but I know when I wake up tomorrow it is a new day and another chance to start something new or just get a fresh start. I have positives everyday, sometimes I just have to remind myself of them.
Just 30 minutes ago, my D13 got a call from the coach of the girls school soccer team, She made the TEAM!!! only 16 out of 62 girls made it and she is on top of the world!!! I haven't seen her smile like that since last summer!!
The other huge positive is that my S9 made the A-B honor role for the 2 grading period in a row. Through all this crap my son's grades have actually improved!!! He is so proud of himself and it gives him such confidence.
The positives are there, sometimes they are in your face and other times we have to hunt around for them.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
missherlove, Sorry you had a bad day yesterday and that I haven't checked in with you since my whole exposing of my H’s A. I'm so happy for your kids, those are great positives.
I just wanted to thank you for how much you have helped me with my sitch. My H has agreed to start working on the M and see if we can reconnect. We are going to take it really slow, and I will demand a NC with the OW. I honestly believe that your encouragement and great advice is what has made the biggest difference in my sitch. I would not be at this positive moment if it wasn't for your help. No matter what happens with my M, I will be a better person for this experience. I do plan on playing in forward.
Thank you again!!!!!
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
mb28, I am so HAPPY for you, I have been so busy with my stuff and have not had any real time to check in on you, I have seen you posting in different areas on the board, I will try to catch up now. Are you going to continue with one particular thread? I will respond where ever you posted last.
Thanks you for the compliment, the help and advice is freely given and warms my heart that I have helped someone on these boards. Let me give you some more advice. Your sitch has now moved beyond my "experience" seek out advice and support from those on these boards that have been where you are going. You will always have my support and you are on my watch list. Always remember, you can do this, be patient, be Strong, and know this...YOU WILL SUCCEED!!!!!!
I am jumping up and down for you, Great Job!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
MHL, it sounds like you're doing a great job with keeping your eye on the parenting ball. As a mother, I can't imagine being as oblivious as your W apparently is right now. Your D13 is at such a fragile age and it's wonderful that you're getting help for her. I remember the post-divorce high school girls who were hurting so much, but it doesn't have to be that way.
Your sitch sounds clear as mud. Wishing you lots of strength and patience.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
flowmom, Some days you feel like you are swiming in the mud, other days I am walking 10 feet off the ground. My D13 is actually the strongest person in the whole thing. She has been there for me in helping out with my S9 and being a mother to him when I am not there. It brings tears to my eyes if I stop and think about just how wonderful she is and how your children can bless you. The thing that I want to tell her is that she gets her benevolent spirit from her mother and daily I see my wife in the things my daughter does and says. My D13 only sees the bad things her mom is doing and wants nothing to do with her, it is sad but one day my prayer is that they will have some sort of relationship.
Thanks for the words of support, you are very kind.
Last edited by missherlove; 02/02/1007:22 PM.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
This would be kind of a lateral job change but more money and closer to home and not a big bank with lots of BS redtape. So I am happy about that.
I would be happy to, more money, less driving and less BS sounds like a slam dunk. Good for you Mhl.
It sounds like your W will need to do some serious fence mending to reestablish a relationship with your D. When/if she wakes up it will be a punch in the gut realization of the damage she has done. My W has a special bond with my D that is unique between females and I hope she doesn't let that slip away while she is adrift in her fog.
My sitch has moved more toward what you have been going through now that my W has moved out. I no longer have access to her cell phone and will have little or no information to work with now. Probably for the better. Flying on instruments now.
I'll be watching closely to see how things progress with your sitch. You sound like your making the right moves and keeping your chin up. Keep up the good fight.
M48/W47 M15/T22 S3 D3 In House Separation 10/06/09 W files for D 10/16/09 OM1 discovered 10/28/09 (PA) OM2 in mix early Jan. W moved out 1/26/10 In Mediation (Settlement in prep)
I had a huge R talk with my wife tonight, unlike anything before. I am posting in MLC to get some input, probably will continue there.
Not abandoning you guys I am just moving a couple of floors up. I will still come down everyday and hang out and drink all your beer and will probably borrow some tools and order pizza to your place and expect you to pay for it. SO....nothing will really change, right?? Here is the thread. Doing hard time on the MLC chain gang.
