Now he is trying to blame you for him leaving? That is pure depression talking. He needs an exercise program or counseling or meds or something instead of coming back to the person he left to dump it on.
Yep he usually leaves around 8:30 after our boys go to bed and last night he did, and he came home around 11:00p.m. and asked me why I didn't stop him from leaving and how I can be so mean. He has put up with me being bipolar over the summer I wasn't diagnosed so he dealt with a lot of crap from me. I was finally diagnosed early october and since then he has done things like stay out all night not call me and show up at 8:30 a.m., etc... He says that for all those months that he put up with me being angry, mean, non caring he can't let that go and then he does this stuff like I love you etc...
Just because you treated him poorly this summer doesn't mean he gets to act like a child and give you payback. Apologize and make changes in your behavior so that you can with integrity ask him to do the same. If you were sick with undiagnosed bipolar over the summer, you were probably a pain but you couldn't help it. Similarly, if he's depressed now, he probably can only control his behavior so much. That's why you're going to have to put limits on exposing yourself to it. He will make you have some kind of relapse from all this stress. It sounds like you two will need counseling for him to let go of his resentment about the summer. But letting him treat you the same now isn't going to solve anything.
"H, I'm really concerned about you and the possibility that you might be clinically depressed. I'm willing to go to the doctor with you and I'll sit in the waiting while you talk to the doctor" (a depressed person has no will to help themselves, so someone taking them by the hand can make a big difference).
Regarding R talk, maybe just say "Hey, it seems like you are going through a lot. Maybe we just need to take things one day at a time."
Definitely read or re-read the chapter on depression in DR.
Take care. I think that my H has been depressed for a long time, and he moved out after going through anxiety attacks about his life.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Sounds to me like there's another woman, and she kicked him to the curb, but then they made up. Sorry to say, but it sounds like you're "Plan B" at the moment.
He is just so back and forth all the time. He says I deserve better then the next day he is I love you, I dont want to let you go. Last night he was holding me and caressing my hair in a way that I know he cared it wasnt just doing it to get some I could tell he felt something for me. These are his words "If I didn't care or still love you I wouldnt have come back over here or wouldnt be so upset about all of this."??? I am just about ready to say see ya later
Sounds to me like there's another woman, and she kicked him to the curb, but then they made up. Sorry to say, but it sounds like you're "Plan B" at the moment.
Puppy
^^^^ I AGREE^^^^^^^
Sorry - I've been there and done that.
Yes- friends will lie for friends, or hide for friends or enable friends.
Yes - a cheating Spouse get's depressed and flounders when the affair is ended by OM/OW. It's achemical withdrawl.
See it's like " Now What" - He's invested some effort, feelings, time and turned away from his W only to get kicked to the curb.
Boom - He get's BOMBED. He's disoriented and conflicted especially since he can't start telling the truth now. Because if you dump him where will he go?
Maybe not- But very likely scenerio and I've been thru something similar and if you've been around the board you'll find other's that have been thru it also.
It is worth investigating it.
M43 W43 D11 S7 M18 T20 WAW is back & trying (no she was lying) Close to callin' it busted but.... watching Whatever the outcome - It was a choice.
