You seem to want to demonstrate that the women you know who choose affairs over genuine relationships are strong and healthy? They're not. People with self-respect do not cheat themselves out of either half of a fulfilling relationships--either the sexual passion or the emotional bond.
Yes, Cyrena! This hits on exactly what we are trying to get across to ssmguy. This is what it took me years to wake up and see as well. I was cheating myself out of fulfillment. I had an emotional bond with my wife, but without passion <---> I had passion with OW, only without an emotional bond. Not only was I cheating on my wife, I was cheating myself.... fooling myself, living a lie that I could be happy in this split half-assed mode.
True happiness only comes in that emotional-sexual-passionate-bond. Anything less is a compromise, it's as simple as that.
BTW yes, the OW knew upfront that I was married. My very first reply to her stated that I was married (again, I used the same justification as you ssmguy. I wanted to be honest and up front, why lie? I've got nothing to hide.... Oh wait, I was lying to my wife and I was lying to (and fooling) myself... so much for honesty... duh) She was a busy professional woman that just wanted a physical R.
This changed though as the R progressed. Indeed, it changed for both of us as we fell for each other. We didn't mean for it to happen but it did. I was so careful over the years (like you ssmguy) to compartmentalize my sex life from my love life. I was all so empty. It was empty because relationships don't bloom into fullness until sex and love occur together.
