you might be on here forever helping other people.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
D18 was just here. Sad about H not being all fun and friendly w/her. I told her that she apologized to him for causing all kinds of this stress lately, told him how much she loves him, and now just needs to continue to be good, do the right thing, and prove herself. It's a standard case of talk is cheap. She has talkedtalkedtalked, and never learned or improved. So, we will see. I gave her a bunch of groceries and food, though, so she was thrilled! Easily amused!
I'm afraid I'm going to need an anti-depressant soon, and I don't want that. I'm just so anxious. Almost dizzily.
Onward and upward.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Did you tell D18 that H has reached the point where he doesn't believe a word she says and only 50% of what she does?
Can you take an AD with your other health concerns? What about an anti-anxiety med that's used more situationally? Just want to make sure you're careful with drug interactions. But if that all checks out the I say go for it. Do what you need to do to.
I got an AD prescription when I was on the big roller coaster and just couldn't focus on anything. But found out I couldn't drink while on them and didn't want to give up my nightly glass or two of red (I was going through my wine collection because I didn't want to have to split it with BF.) And then I kicked him out the following week and got off the roller coaster on my own so I never filled it.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Pearl... words of wisdom! Yes, I told her something like that! It's hard being Mom. I completely agree w/H. She has to LEARN, and by us continuously rescuing her (which he is more guilty of than I), it hasn't been helping her. But, it also hurts to see her feel so bad. Ugh! So, right after I typed this a few min ago... her fb message status message changed to something along the lines of laundry, cocktails and a cig! ICK! I wish I could just spank her! I don't need the stress of her and their relationship, too.
I haven't ever checked on AD's or anti-anxiety. I wouldn't give up socially drinking either. Maybe I should just pour a glass or two of wine a night, and that will help me relax.
I'm starting to sound like a whiner.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
It's like I read on Serenity's thread today: you need to DB D18. Set boundaries and enforce them so she learns that there are consequences for her actions. If she wants all the rights of adulthood then she needs to accept the responsibilities as well. I know you just want to do whatever you can to spare her pain, but the best thing you can do for her is to teach her how to be an independent, responsible person. And if that takes tough love then so be it.
[Don't you just love it when non-parents give you advice on parenting? We just see things from a different perspective.]
I vote for starting with a glass of wine in the evening to see if that helps. It's heart healthy! If that doesn't help relieve the stress then definitely talk to your doctor about AD or AA meds.
Do I need to start telling stories to cheer you up? Pick your topic.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Pearl... actually, that's how I've been handling her since this last little bout of drama two weeks ago. I love your non-parental parenting advice! Spot on!
I'll start w/the wine. I just get really anxious as of late, and it's usually in the evening.
I'll take the stories, though!!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Hi MF Sorry I didn't reply before. Hectic last few days. Next few the same.
Congrats on the FLW RETRO. Thats a project, been there, done that, but very rewarding when finished. [Did H fold in a good wine celler?]
Read your comment on D18. I had 4 teenage D's in the house, for a few years. This is what I did that seemed to work for me.
1st; Made it a rule that if asked for anything, my 'yes' or 'no', 'IS' final, no grinding for me to change my mind allowed. However, they were encouraged to to ask, and talk about my reasons, if they wanted. If they did, 9 out of 10 times, after we talked about my reasons, they agreed with my decision. Now and then, they added something that I did change my mind. But there was understanding.
2nd; No arguing in our house, period. If you want to argue and fight, go outside. Most recent example, twin D's17, who's going to wear which dress to upcoming NROTC Ball. As soon as it started, I stepped over, opened the door and held it for them. Got an instant "But she's not listening to me". Said "maybe you're not listening to her either!" 10 minutes later they were in their room laughing, trying on diff dress's, commenting which looked best to each other.
3rd; Along with step 1 and 2, found I get much better response from them by making sure to compliment them on the least little things, whether chores, school work, or how they fixed their hair that day. Making a big deal of anything they did right , or good, brought back much more of the same. They began to strive for those compliments.
Still use the same basic guidelines for D21, and D19 after they left home. Spending less time arguing, paying more attention myself to times to boost their ego has resulted in all of them striving more to receive deserved compliments. Seems to still work well for D19, and D21 even after they left home.
As for how I'm doing. Seem to be going through an 'anger' mode. Had 10 'missed calls from W yesterday, no mess. Gno suggested to call today, ask if there is something important. W has called 3 times again today, no mess. Afraid the anger I feel right now would make matters worse if I talk to W now.
How are you doing. Don't see your usual humor the last couple day's. Don't let me down now, maybe it's the moon, the stress has been hard to hold in check last couple days.
The twins' arguing over a dress. LoL We don't have a lot of arguing in the house, as D18 is moved out now, but when she was here... OY! We are SO much alike! And, she has my H wrapped around her little finger, and knows it. She made me insane! She's now doing typical teenage dumb stuff, but spinning downward, and not learning anything. The last two weeks are better, as we didn't rescue her from the latest drama. ALWAYS a challenge!
The compliments are good, though! Sometimes they're not used enough...
The house! OMG It's nearly 10,000 sq feet on a river, bought it on foreclosure, and no one had lived in it for nine years, nor really done anything to it for fifteen. Awesome neighborhood! The neighbors were THRILLED when we bought it... We were going to put $100k into it or so, and flip it, but once we got started, guess who didn't want anyone else getting that awesome kitchen, and the project took a different turn. It was, "Well, IF we were to live here, we'd need to...." Then, once my H accepted this was his fate (he did NOT want to live here - one of my contributions to our current issues), he turned what was once a coal room (?) into an awesome wine cellar - exposed the brick, had the racking architected, refrigeration system, etc... and put a window in it on the wall between it and where the old big heating system was. That small room is now has been cleaned out, an exhaust put in, and is on its way to becoming a smoking room (cigars). He enjoys the house now, as we are a huge water sports family, and he even bought a wakeboard/tower boat the first summer, and sold our family cruiser... Maybe these additions for himself will make him settle in finally... It was a HUGE stressor getting in here, though.
I'll find the humor again. I promise. I think I'll start w/opening a bottle from "the EXPENSIVE corner" of the cellar!
Anger. Ick. Don't let it consume or define you now. Take our advice, and make good choices for YOU, but don't be afraid to stretch or try something that doesn't feel comfortable.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I'm afraid I'm going to need an anti-depressant soon, and I don't want that. I'm just so anxious.
Don't be afraid of it. I went on Lexapro and it really helped the stress. Doctor told me that I had post traumatic stress syndrome. It doesn't mean you will be on it forever. You could look into natural things like ST johns Wort.
OP - Thanks for the input. I have some St. John's Wort. Funny, I bought it, and was going to slip some in H's food once! Ha! I'll try that. I've just worked so hard to detox my body of crap this past month that I don't want to add anything else in now...
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
