Thanks for the pep talk. I am seeing a lawyer tomorrow. Thanks for the kudos about how I'm handling it but - I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams sometimes. I take a lot of deep breaths and I take one day at a time and if thats too much I take one hour at a time. Its the only way I know to get thru this all....... back more tonight.... thank you both for answering today - I was really alone.......
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
It is so hard isn't it? I am doing ok! I first posted under "here's another story" and that kinda "died out" so switched to "loving distance". I have learned a lot from reading other posts and just had my first DB telephone coaching session. She helped me see things a bit differently! I don't have a lot of advice as I am still new at this but will keep checking in on you!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
confusedwife - I'll check your thread shortly. missherlove - just read thru two of yours - incredible.
I can't tell you both and all the others how much it helps to read your stories - I certainly don't feel alone when I see what everyone else is going thru too - and I feel for you all too - what you have been thru is equally as devastating. It is truly amazing to read and take in all this. I am also curious if any of you found Facebook contributed to your spouse's hooking up with old friends and then absolutely becoming the "detachment" tool that parked intself directly between the two of you. I know I feel that way - but maybe thats unfair to blame it. It was a human (my wife in this case) who let it get between us. I dont know - just venting.......
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
I know the answer already I'm sure - but how are the kids doing with it all? I know with me - the more I think about things the more I worry about how this will effect them - especially my 11 yr old. I'm hurting big time as I'm sure you are but I tend to think of myself last - its the way I've always been with my family. I worry so much what this LS is going to do to my daughter. And you - u doing ok? I know I have multiple feelings - anger - resentment - compassion - depression - strength. I try to hold on to the times when I feel emotionally strong and keep it going for as long as I can stretch it. But really every day is a mixed bag of feelings - one day I feel like I can overcome all of this and other days I'm sitting on the train to/from work holding back tears. I hope beyond all hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.........
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Tom, I am in the middle of updating my sitch, I had a major talk with my W tonight. We have not talked like this in years. The honesty was amazing and the fact that I have grown so much, but it took time. This is going to take time, patience is the key. You have the right attitude, one day, one hour, one half hour at a time. Start where you need to and get to the next point and then the next one. You will make it, and you have friends here that care.
I know where you are and I can say "I know what it is to be insane". I was for about 45 days. You need to get to the doctor and get checked out. There is nothing wrong with getting some help from some medication, probably anti anxeity and anti depressants. I just take a small little sleeping pill now but I can say for sure the meds got me through the first 2 months.
The other thing is exercise, it relieves stress and releases the good feeling chemicals in your body. It works better than the meds and it is good for you. JUST DO IT! really. I will check on you in the morning.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
missherlove - Thanks. I'm ok this morning - getting ready to leave for work. I definitely understand the exercise - and I do walk to/from train several miles a day. I saw a therapist already and actually felt worse and I actually tried to see two Drs who would not take any more patients - so I'm getting thru this with my own fortitude and support from friends - like the support here. Lawyers appt later today and then tomorrow is my birthday - so a few friends from work going out after work with me - so I've got things going on to keep me busy which is also key for me - definitely shifts my focus off of thinking about my sitch. Its hard - but I find a way..........keep it coming all - catch up later at work.....
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Tom, Let me be the first of many to wish you a Happy Birthday!!! I try to find the positives in everything and it can be the smallest thing, getting the seat you want on the train, your morning coffee is just right today, or something your kids say to you that makes your heart melt and you remember why you stay strong and endure in this nightmare. I promise you it will get better and I believe you can make it work with your wife. With time and space the fog will lift and it does, she will notice the what a wonderful man you are.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Hey tom...looks like you are doing a little better today...good! It has taken me a long time but am really trying to master not letting what H does affect my well being! We have to be strong for our kids. Cancer was a piece of cake compared to this hell we are going through but as miss her love says, we will get through it either way! My kids "seem" to be doing ok. With H's work schedule, they didn't really see him during the week anyway. He has promised to spend time with them for his brithday this weekend so I hope he makes good on that. Unfortunately, the weather forecast is calling for snow so we will see as he is about 40mi away.
I see that you must have a birthday so will wish you a wonderful and keep hanging tough!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
