I'm sorry you are having to deal with this in your life. The MLC group I believe will one day have to face the pain they have caused and they will feel it for themselves and know how miserable it is.
As far as how to make it stop? Hurting yourself does NOT make it stop, it would just cause others enormous pain. those that need you.
I know how you feel. From the first time over 15 years ago, to the 2nd time 30 months ago. It leaves a hole in your heart and a emptiness in your soul that just seems it will never go away or get filled up-ever. But it does, and it will.
As sure as there is a miserable cold winter, there will be a wonderful green, warm spring. We'd all like to just fast forward down the road a few years and get to a better place. Reality is-as much as that would be nice, that is just not how it works.
Try to live for you as others have said, and your kids. I know from experience that not having that person there who you thought you could always count on is tough, but...YOU CAN DO IT! YOU MUST DO IT! YOU WILL DO IT!
Learn what you can learn. Don't let anger rule your thoughts or decisions, but look out for you. Be kind, but not weak. There will come a day things will improve and you will feel better about you, with or without your H. It will just take some time, so find something that brings you some peace and fun and go do it with folks you like to be with. Hang in there!
