I am the cause

[undefeated]

Give that man a prize! Do you see what you did?! You changed what you were doing and therefore changed the results.

I had D this weekend. My Ex called me on Friday, fed up with stuff. She laid into me saying she is tired of being nice, etc.
I told her she was right. She deserved better and that she can count on me for things.
I took D earlier than expected based on that.

She could not have been expecting that. And she will be wondering what inspired the sudden about-face.

I went to church for the first time in 20 something years. The sermon was interesting. Submit to your faith. I feel like i need that.

I am glad that it gave you comfort. If it helps you, finding your faith can be a very powerful tool in recovery. I know Christians believe that God uses turmoil in our lives to draw us closer to Him. Maybe this has been his way to draw you back.

I'm glad your ex is being nice to you, and while it is nice, I think it could be hurtful reading too much into it. If she is just being friendly and you hope for too much more then it will seem to her, IMO, that you only changed to seem more attractive to her. Let her see you are changing to become a man you can love.

I felt I did not deserve her company.

This has to stop! I absolutely know 100% what it feels like to feel undeserving of love and worthless to the person I have betrayed. And you know what, the longer I beat myself up about it and wallowed in self-loathing, the more I became someone pathetic and unlovable.

Again I recall some of my Christian teachers from my youth. We say, "I cannot forgive myself." But God has already forgiven you. So are you more entitled to hold a grudge than God? If God forgives you, it seems pretty silly not to forgive yourself.

And your ex can see that you are beating yourself up. It's not attractive. I have identified it as one of the undesirable qualities I showed my husband for the last three years. It's time to let it go. That does not mean you feel entitled to her forgiveness and/or reconciliation. But she doesn't want to hear your apologies right now. My suggestion - write them down and save them, in case she ever does want to hear them. But it is a waste of breath at the moment and you come off looking desperate and downtrodden.

Eating with me and D as if we were a family.

That's what MWD is saying in Chp. 1 of DB (started re-reading it recently myself). Divorce is not cutting an ex-spouse out of your life and never dealing with them again. And especially not when you have a beautiful little girl who needs you both. Trust me, little girls need their daddies, and the type of men they are can really affect how we see our relationships in the future.

So enjoy the calmer, more cordial atmosphere with your ex. Put no pressure into the situation. Just go with it. You are, at the moment, pleasant strangers with a common interest (your DD). If you do this in an intelligent manner, maybe you can eventually work up to a pleasant friendship. Don't try to think further than that. it will give you over the top hopes and affect how you approach the situation.

I'm glad your weekend went well. Keep it up! And I'm also glad to hear you're seeing an IC. Hold nothing back.