Well Allen A, you sound just like my mom...She said the same thing in so many words. I told her what happended and she said to just wait and see what happens. I asked her if should be "busy" when and if he decided to call me. She said no, not to be tit for tat because he's probably under the influence of other people sure as friends and family.
I guess I'm just angry and hurt. More so disappointed. She also said that marriage is hard work and takes time through such struggles to heal and move forward.
You are just making a lot of classic mistakes we all have made.
When you get through this, sometime later, you can come back here and give advice too... we are all experiencing a lot of "if I knew THEN what I know NOW" syndrome.
We just wish you the best and hope you don't make these mistakes becasue you are just driving him away.
1. Your earnestness to please him and get back together - scaring him off
2. Your mind reading and over-analyzing what he's saying and doing - He's just had his marriage violated by another man - he's experiencing TRAUMA right now... you need to cut him some slack and stop expecting him to behave NORMALLY right now. Mindreading is just depressing you and isn't getting you anywhere with him.
3. your feeling Hopeless and offended by him... You need to offer hope and confidence, not bitterness over his apparent rejection... which is just TRAUMA that you are misreading.
4. You need to understand that love is an activity we do each day when we offer patience, rather than frustration, emotional generosity rather than neediness, and forgiveness rather than bitter hurt and open wounds.
You are wanting him for YOU, not for him. What's best for HIM? Are you the best person for HIM right now that you can be? It looks like you want him for you, rather than you being what he wants.
Yup, he's hurt, and likley exaggerating. Ten years from now he will realize he's wasted hours of his time being miserable and foolishly rejecting you. But right now, he needs time to process.
Yes, you are giving him space, but you need to understand what he's FEELING. Stop mind reading and read divorce remedy or not just friends... they will help you get into his head and stop the mind reading.
You are devoted now, I can see that, but you need to take some time to understand WHY.
Love is something people do, when they learn HOW. The feeling we call love is more aptly called infatuation or excitement.
That doesn't last.
Commitment is what counts. If you bail now you are not learning anything about him, marriage, or love... all you are learning is that committment is too hard and painful.
Commitment is hard and painful, but it is also worthwhile. Give it TIME and do the WORK. Read and develop emotional intelligence for your partner. That's what you seem to be missing most right now... Not him as much as the experience to understand him.
