Ohh Kerry thanks. Very nice of you... So, H actually said he READ the email and doesnt ignore me. He couldnt answer the question "what exactly are you doing then?".
I hate feeling I act as a bitch but it's not much I am asking, honestly.
The conversation didnt go well. He ignores what I tell him on top of what I write him. My credibility is very bad at the moment. He senses soomething is different but he is on defense mode and will take it to the end. I cant say it is his loss because it obviously is what he wants. Even talking to him is so damn hard. Like -have you read my email? -Yes I have -what are you thoughts? -I am thinking what you tell me in the email -so? what are you thinking? -what you are telling me, I told you or
-I hate it when you ignore me -I dont -well it feels like you are -but I am not, I read it -and? -I wrote half an email back -and? -well I need to write the other half -when? -when I have time -this is ridiculous! -why? I dont understand -well, it's clear we are not in the same wave length -I think we are and then -I need to tell you something serious (H) -I am all ears -I didnt like it when you said you dont need my yelling infront of the kids -WHAT? This is something else, I am telling I had enough and you ... -SURE!! NOTHING I say is serious, right?
or -I am ot setting up anymore MC sessions -Oh yes, I meant to tell you, we cant make it this week because of the show -I dont think you are coming with me -...and we would have to leave early -did you hear me? -yes, but I think this week is bad -not this week not next week, I am not playing games -..... and on and on and on...
I was thinking today, what if we divorce now? How would I label the last 4 months? Wasted? The answer is NO! I think some people with control issues like myself, need to be faced with reality :you cant control anyone but yourself (if that). It's good to be reminded. I am raising kids, I am sure I will deal with that same fact many times down the road.
H is expected to come here, sleep by my side and pretend nothing is wrong. Till I kick him out. I hate telling the kids "the effort didnt work out". Hate it... K
