Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[trytryagain]

hmmmm...i'm thinking about your last post and when you said you worry that her dream is "just being a mother." i'm assuming that when you said that you meant that it was her only dream, not that her dream was not a big one - using the word "just" in there could read 2 ways. of course, no one wants to be married to someone who ONLY sees themselves as a mother and cannot or will not play any other role (wife, friend, partner, lover, or even just woman), but at the same time, it sounds like she puts a lot of effort into taking care of the children that you've had together. does she feel acknowledged for that? when you take her out, do you do things she wants to do or has talked about doing? sometimes women get so focused in being "mom" that she feels like that's all she is to anyone - maybe even including you. have you tried the approach, "wife, you have worked so hard this week, getting the kids to school and making dinners, lunches, taking kids here there and everywhere...i'm so lucky to have a wife who is so devoted to her family, and i'd love to take you on a date so you can relax for an evening and we can spend some time alone"?

my H and i have that same problem, i'm more of a home body than he is, and when we ARE home, i complain if we just sit around and watch tv and don't talk. what about family game nights, or a mom and dad movie night at home where your oldest keeps the younger ones out of your hair while you watch a movie together or have friends over? my H loves social interaction and i've noticed on so many ocassions that he lights up in these settings and situations in a way he never does when we have dinner, just the two of us, or when we spend time alone, one on one. i assumed it was because he liked going out more than he liked spending time with me. but my DB coach has made me see that's not really the case - but obviously, in a situation when there is more than one stimulant (i.e., other people), his focus will tend to circle around the room (which often leaves me feeling neglected in this situations - is it possible your wife doesn't want to be out with you because she feels that way, too?).

the issue of balance has been a big one for my H and i, especially since we found out about the ADHD. have you ever been to ADHD marriage? it's been helpful for me in terms of seeing both sides when dealing with ADHD.

but to answer your question, no i don't think my H thought taking me out of the city would fulfill my dream. on the one occassion that we rented a cabin for a weekend, he was calling friends to invite them to come stay with us as soon as we pulled into the driveway of the cabin. although, i guess i could say he had to have known that that would upset me, but i don't live in his head, so i supposed it's possible he also thinks he's considering what i want, only to get a slap in the face from me afterwards.