Running out of time.

[Cie la vie]

Mhl,

Hope you get well soon. I went through a protacted sick phase (6-8 weeks, cold morphing into new crap etc.)that I have gradually come out of over the last few weeks. I chalk it up to stress and obviously the season. Never was really sick as a dog though, thank goodness.

Did you have to call her back today? Was there something that she asked you in her message that you had to reply to?

Good question and it wasn't one I asked myself and probably should have and will moving forward. When I called her back I got a more thorough account of the melt down but not much else. But the fact that it was a somewhat traumatic event for the kids I felt compelled to return the call.

She informed me that she would call me tomorrow a well with her new phone land line #. I definitely will not answer that call nor return it. My plan to go as dark as possible may take a little more time to solidify than I thought with the newness of the move out and the loose ends that need to be dealt with through communication.

This is definitely a sign of the MLCer that I have been reading about all day

I've been doing some research on MLC as well this week. I did a google search "a woman's midlife crisis". What I read convinces me more than ever that my W is definitely in the midst of a MLC. Let me know of any particularly good articles on the subject you have read, I somewhat limited on surfing as I can only do it from work at the moment.

Keep up the good fight!

[MHL]

CLV,
How was the weekend? What is the latest? Unfortunately there is not a whole lot of books out there that I know of on the "wife's" mid-life crisis. But that is mostly because a small number of men read relationship self help books. I have been playing around in the MLC resource threads. But have not found much online or in the book stores. Someone on these boards was talking about the chemical effects on the brain. The chemicals are called "PEAs". Haven't had a chance to read up on those yet. Bottom line is our wife's are eff'd in the head and no matter how much we read isn't going to change that. I am trying to concentrate on me and the kids.

Had a job interview today, went great, they called me back 2 hours after the interview. On Wednesday I am meeting with HR director, Hirinig Manager and the person that formerly held the position (promoted).

This would be kind of a lateral job change but more money and closer to home and not a big bank with lots of BS redtape. So I am happy about that. Also my D13 made her school soccer team!!! 62 girls tried out and only 16 girls made the team, she is on top of the world. S9 made A-B honor role for the second grading period in a row!

Hit us back with an update when you can.

[Cie la vie]

Mhl,

I just logged on. Wish I could post on threads with my Bberry but I guess I don't have the proper apps. I've have a lot time on my hands when the kids are off with the W.

My weekend was a lot of fun with the kids. They were with me from Friday at 6:00 PM til Monday morning when the nanny arrived. Took them for hike/stroll in Griffith Park Sat. (been doin this quite a bit lately) with the dog. They enjoyed it and it burns them out so they nap after lunch. I took them to another park on Sun. where there is climbing on sandstone boulders which is a passion of mine. I had several climbing buddies who showed up and helped out with the kids while I got in an occassional climb. There is a Metro train that travels thru the area and there is a tunnel that the train passes thru as well. My son loves trains and has been obessive about tunnels of late. Needless to say they had a good time.

I took them to McDonalds for lunch and they fell asleep on the way home. I got them down for a nap and had a couple of hours to do some things for myself around the house. When the kids woke up we played in the yard and I set up my Mountaineering tent and they loved playing in it and fortunately they didn't damage it.

I made them dinner, bathed them and they had a little milk and off to bed after "Yo gabba gabba" at 8:00 PM. I was going strong all weekend long with the little ones it was great.

Monday morning the nanny showed up late 8:10 AM which isn't good as I have a video conf. with my NY office at 8:30 AM, I barely made it as a result. Last night and this morning proved to be a bit of downer being in a empty home, just the dog and I. I'm going to need to get use to this and find things to occupy my time or I'll end up dwelling on the negatives.

The kids are with the W thru mid-day Wednesday. I may have mentioned that she placed three calls to last Thursday which matches the sum total of calls she placed to me in the previous three and half months. She was busy with OM2 on Fri and Sat. and I haven't heard a word form her since. She did drop off a bill at the house for me yesterday. I'm in NC mode and she might be in the same mode as well. Looking forward to seeing my kids on Wednesday.

This would be kind of a lateral job change but more money and closer to home and not a big bank with lots of BS redtape. So I am happy about that. Also my D13 made her school soccer team!!! 62 girls tried out and only 16 girls made the team, she is on top of the world. S9 made A-B honor role for the second grading period in a row!

I read this on your thread over the weekend (if I remember correctly). That is great news congrats to you and your daughter. That will be great for her psyche. Congrats to your son as well, keeping the grades up through this garbage is no small feat.

Good to hear from you, look for a post from me on your thread at some point today.

[MHL]

CLV,
Sounds like there is going to be some competition for the father of the year award. Sounds like you had an awesome weekend with your kids they are lucky to have you as their father, I think that is something we LBH's share. Your children will recognize you as being the "rock" for them, even at a young age they will pick up on the parent that seems to be focused on the kids rather than themselves.

So the calls have increased? While she is relishing in her freedom, there is no one around to be pissed at what she is doing. What were the calls about? If I were a betting man,(hey, I am a betting man...) I would say that the calls will increase and become more frequent. Her "fun" will wear out sooner rather than later, you should read up on how to set boundaries, the time will come when she wants to do things with you might be a couple of weeks but I bet it will happen. That will be your opportunity to make a statement about her infidelity. Read some of puppy dog tails posts, you should be prepared.

The nights alone are hard I know, try to find something for me it is reading when I get a chance. But since I have the kids pretty much 24/7, I would love to have one night at home alone.

Stay in touch, take care.

[Cie la vie]

Sounds like there is going to be some competition for the father of the year award.

I hope to be in the discussion down the road but it's a little early for me to be mentioned in your league. The 24/7 gig is the real deal.

Your children will recognize you as being the "rock"

I don't plan on giving them any reason not to think this, my W has her work cut out to match my effort. I don't see that happening given her current frame of mind.

What were the calls about?

The first call/voicemail was to tell me about the kids melting down at school on the first day coming from her apartment. She called me later to tell me what her new phone number was and she called again to let me know she had found the necklace I gave her for our 10 yr anniversary.

I would say that the calls will increase and become more frequent.

Well, she called today out of the blue to ask me how the weekend went with the kids and to see if I saw the list of bills I owe her for. I believe the money side of the call was the real reason she called. I ended the call rather than allowing her to end it. I'll read up on the boundary stuff and look into PDT posts to see how I should handle some of the future contacts.

One issue that I am struggling with is whether or not I should initiate setting up round three of the meidation or leave it up to her. Those people close to me who I have discussed this with feel I would be best served to move things along given her unstable financial situation and her behavior with OM. The feeling being the sooner I get things wrapped up signed and stamped the better off I am. The problem with that is it just pushes us closer to the end.

[MHL]

Those people close to me who I have discussed this with feel I would be best served to move things along given her unstable financial situation and her behavior with OM. The feeling being the sooner I get things wrapped up signed and stamped the better off I am. The problem with that is it just pushes us closer to the end.

I know what you mean but that is the 180 there for you, pushing forward with the mediation. It is fear of the impending D that you have to face and I know that hard. It feels like you are giving up. I think back to Sandi's tag line at the bottom of her posts....it is not about doing what feels right it is about doing what works. Much easier said than done.

[Cie la vie]

So you are in agreement with the others? The 180 being it is the opposite of what my W may think I would do or the opposite of what I don't want to happen the D?

I like you have been toggling back and forth between Midlife and this forum. I'll be following and post their as well.

You made and interesting observation about you W being addicted to sex. Based on what I have uncovered snooping through my W's phone ect. I am of the same opinion with regard to my W. It's ironic that prior to her losing 65+ lbs. getting botox injections, sculptra injections, new wardrobe etc. etc. she was pretty much uninterested in sex. Her self esteem was very low but when she dropped the weight etc. her self esteem came back and apparently her sex drive. Problem is she directed it out of our marriage and here we are.

[MHL]

clv,
Sorry, I might have been as clear as mud on my last post. What I was trying to say is, that if you try to resist the mediation process then it will make her push harded for it. If she is not pushing it and there is no real reason to move forward with it then let it sit and do nothing. What is her last communication with you concerning the mediation process and when was it?

With respect to the sexual addiction, I think it wears off, that is not to say that she does not enjoy it. Who doesn't it? Painful to say and hear. I think my wife was trying to make herself happy because her pain ran so deep. I don't think it will last, I think that eventually women do find that it is not as fulfilling as it was initially. I already see my wife dressing differently, more like she used to, more conservative and she is not straightening her hair or at least not in front of me. When she straightens her hair it is like she became this other person. I remember when we were together and she did that and we ML, she would say that "you probably feel like you are with a different woman".

Your wife has to do this thing herself, there is nothing we can do but sit back and watch lovingly from a distance.

On the MLC forum you have been in the resource threads right?

[Cie la vie]

What I was trying to say is, that if you try to resist the mediation process then it will make her push harded for it. If she is not pushing it and there is no real reason to move forward with it then let it sit and do nothing. What is her last communication with you concerning the mediation process and when was it?

Okay I see what your are saying.

Her last communication around mediation was her responding to the mediators email asking us when we wanted to schedule the next session. This was her response on Jan. 19

Thank you John!
I'm ready whenever it's convenient.
CLV, have you looked at dates?

This was my resposne.
As far as the next meeting is concerned it will likely be in Feb. I'll get back to both of you regarding my availability once it becomes more clear.

She did mention getting the ball rolling on selling the house the following week. As I have said before she has not shown any sign of wavering in her decision. The whole mess is very discouraging.

[Cie la vie]

On the MLC forum you have been in the resource threads right?

No I haven't where are they located?