You need to segregate your finances. If she makes more money than you do, then separate them 80/20 or 70/30 or 60/40 or whatever -- income and expenses -- but I don't believe in a married couples' finances being entangled when one of the partners is in an affair and actively seeking to EXIT the marriage.
You need to protect yourself.
That being said, I still don't think she would hire an attorney to fight what is an open-and-shut case.
good point. we have virtually nothing in savings account. so i tell her to get a new checking account and put her income into it. then she writes a check to me for the difference in our salaries. then we pay all of the bills.
but, i really need to have it in my brain that this is the best for me. it was the first violent act. she spent the rest of the night crying and saying she would do anything i wanted. i see she has backed off of that. but she thinks i pushed her to the violence when i would not leave the room(sitting in the chair) when she was screaming and jumping up and down for me to leave.
we are still making decisions on a remodel of the kitchen where i'm doing all of the work. and we are paying for materials from that joint account. do i pay for all of the remaining materials before telling her to split up the accounts?
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
You are making this more complicated that you need to. You said it was the "first violent act", as if two violent acts would then be unacceptable. How many violent acts do you want to teach your children to accept? Look, she should get the consequences from the one act of violence. You file charges, you have it on record. You are standing for what is right. Are you saying because you pushed her buttons that the violence is acceptable? Is that what you want your children to learn? Violence is ok if someone else pushes you into it?
I'm pushing hard, because I can sympathize with your feelings of guilt and fear. I understand you've got to get in "your brian" what is best for you and your kids.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
i have to laugh about it a little. i mean what are the chances from 10 feet that a women that has never played sports(h3ll i've never seen her throw anything) can hit a target in the dark.
at least it did not hit my eye.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
i'm hanging over a canyon with a bungee cord. i hear you all saying i'll bounce back, but i can't help thinking about the cord breaking. or maybe it's broke and i'm going to get wet.
i'm still building up the strength to do it.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
As to splitting the accounts. Don't tell her what to do. YOU go to the bank, open your own separate account, and transfer your half of the money in it. Talk to the bank manager about what you are doing. Sadly, this happens all the time, and they are used to handling it.
I'm in the middle of remodeling our house too. I stopped all work the day the bomb dropped. I told W I needed to wait until we resolved our situation before I did anything else. It's been one of my few good decisions.
I would do something about your credit cards too. Puppy advised me to do this, and I didn't quite do it soon enough. I'm now faced with a possible extra 5k I didn't want. From the sound of things, you need to do these things sooner than me.
Understand, these actions are not punishments, they do not have to be permanent, you are protecting yourself and your family.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
i'm hanging over a canyon with a bungee cord. i hear you all saying i'll bounce back, but i can't help thinking about the cord breaking. or maybe it's broke and i'm going to get wet.
i'm still building up the strength to do it.
yes, I'm with you cannon! I'm glad you got a bungee cord and not just a thread with W sawing away above.
Focus on doing what you think is right for you and your kids, and no matter what you'll be able to hold your head high.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
