Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[flowmom]

I'm a beginner DBer with poor boundary skills, so take my advice with a grain of salt!

1.) H has asked if our son (age 18 months) and I want to meet up with D9 and him on Saturday morning for breakfast. Is this a good plan?

2.) H wants to pick the kids up daily from school/daycare to spend time with them.
Is this a good idea? Should I let them go back to "our house" during this time
or pick them up from the apartment?

I recommend figuring out what's best for your kids. If you agree to your H's requests, clarify that you believe that it's in the children's interest to do things that way. If you feel that his agendas are not what's best for your kids, then discuss with your H your concerns. Be a really good listener and validator when he expresses his POV...handle any parenting controversy with super duper care. There is no choice around finding common ground on parenting issues unless you want to delegate that to a professional. If you're unsure about whether a plan that your H wants is good for your kids, agree to an experiment and discuss how it went (for the kids) afterwards. I am feeling pretty good about how things are going with coparenting with my H...we are both putting the kids first, and we have been mostly respectful in areas of controversy.

3.) We have MC tonight @ 4. Should I say I want to continue or should I say no "He just needs to go to IC instead?"

I'm not sure about this. I wish I was in MC with H right now, because it would be a chance to show how I've shifted in my thinking about our R. I really admire how Kalni followed up a talk with her H, with a MC session where she really laid things out for her H. OTOH, Kalni is at a much more advanced stage of detachment than you and I are, and I don't think that we can fake that.

4.) Should I ask for the house key when he moves out? The key fobs for my vehicle?

I consider our home, our cars, and most of our possessions to be shared assets and I would not feel entitled to remove H's access to them. OTOH, I am entitled to privacy now. H has been respectful and he has not dropped by without warning, used my computer or invaded my privacy in any way. If he was not respecting my privacy I would set a boundary about that in a big way.

If I've given you bad advice I'll share the 2x4s with you .

You can do this.